Parenting is also some of the most rewarding work you will ever experience.
I heard a pastor I love listening to say last week, "If your child graduates and you are not sad at them leaving - you did it all wrong." Parenting is raising an individual to be beneficial to society and a blessing to be around. There is nothing wrong with being joyful that high school is over, but if you are doing jumping jacks that your child will not be in your house anymore, you do not have a right relationship with your child.
Every stage of life will have its trials.
- newborn - you need sleep and are not getting it (unless your child is that 1 in a million child who sleeps perfectly from birth - and if you have/had that child, hush the rest of us do not want to know!)
- toddler - potty training, speech development, sleep regressions (I am here)
- pre-k/kinder - independence, appropriate behaviors, acceptable boundaries (I am here too)
- elementary - homework, play dates, science fair, bff's
- jr high - first loves, introduction to puberty, heartbreak, homework
- high school - homework, part time jobs, college prep, gf/bf,
- college/career/military/adulthood - move/stay, community/out of state, marry high school sweetheart, travel abroad
- beyond - marriage, ministry, children/no children, country or suburbs.
Last week, parenting my daughter was hard. The owner of the preschool my children attend is a near and dear friend. I have sought her biblical wisdom & council many times, and she has been a tremendous blessing to my family in too many ways to count over the last 6 years. She called me one evening, later than normal, and I knew that it was probably not for a good reason.
My 4 1/2 year old had asked a boy in her class if her breast were small. He told her not to talk about that, she asked again, then he said he was telling the teacher (shout out to his parents - he did the right thing). Abigail knew she probably shouldn't have been talking about/like that because she got upset and started saying, No don't tell. Her teacher got involved, asked the right questions, then took the situation to the owner. My daughter had commented that my husband said that my chest was too small and so she wanted to know if hers was. My friend was respectful and offered condolences for this very awkward situation.
Abigail was already asleep - so talking about this issue would have to wait until the morning. When she awoke, and was coherent, her and I talked. She tried to deny the situation at first, but then came clean. I reassured her that she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139:14 (NIV) and that since she is created by God, she is made just right. Then I went over with her the concept of the private box. I learned the concept from a former co-worker who did the science and Bible class at the preschool. I had Abigail draw a box, starting at her neck, over to her arm pits, down her sides to just below her hips, and back toward the center (see picture). I explained that the area inside is her private box. And if she has a question about anything inside that box there are only a few people she should talk to about it: mommy, daddy, a grandparent, her doctor, or her teacher. But she should not talk to her friends about things that pertain to inside the box. She seemed to understand. She then had a conversation with her father before drop off at school. He explained that the comment she made saying daddy had said mommy was small chested was a lie and it made him look bad. So - one event had us parenting about privacy, our bodies, and lying. We have further talked because it was concerning to me that my 4 1/2 year old would ask such a question. Dealing with body issues was not something I was ready for just yet. I thought those topics did come up for about 8 more years. So this week I will be re-reading a great book I recommend to anyone with a daughter:
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"Bringing Up Girls" by Dr. James Dobson.
"Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson’s trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life." http://www.bringingupgirls.com/
I bought the book within a week of us finding out we were expecting a girl with our first pregnancy. It was highly informative, and I cannot recommend it enough. He also has a book about raising up boys - I bought it when we found out our 2nd born was to be a boy. After I refresh myself with "Brining Up Girls" I plan on re-reading "Bringing Up Boys."
The talks that we have had, Abigail and I, have been beneficial. I am making a point to talk to her about her day more. I ask her questions about her friends, her teachers, the topics they are reviewing. We are having more mommy/daughter time. She loves to be read to, and since she has a good base knowledge of sight words she is excited when she can read the words in the books. I am steering away some from the princess stories - just for now. I don't want her focusing on the "pretty princess" necessarily right now. So we are reading our Bible stories, My Little Pony adventures, puppy pirates, and animal books. She has even made a point to tell me at pick up that she didn't talk about her private box that day. She is a hoot, and I love her.
Parenting is hard work. You get into a groove, think things are going well, and then life happens. I hope that when the time comes I will be happy my kids are moving on because I have prepared them, but sad because it will be the end of a chapter. I do not want to be a parent who can't wait for my kids to be gone. I want them with me always, but I am not raising them for that. I am raising them to go forward, to move on and out, and to do what God has called them to do.
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