LEGACY: Impact on Men on Families & Society

Have you ever seen the movie"Courageous" by the Kendrick brothers? I highly recommend everyone watch it. Married, never married, divorced, have no children, or do.

Honor Begins at Home

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.

While they consistently give their best on the job, good enough seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they're quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark.

When tragedy hits home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God ... and to their children?

Filled with action-packed police drama, COURAGEOUS is the fourth film from Sherwood Pictures, the moviemaking ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. Viewers will once again find themselves laughing, crying, and cheering as they are challenged and inspired by everyday heroes who long to be the kinds of dads that make a lifelong impact on their children.

Protecting the streets is second nature to these men. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That's courageous. (Courageous the Movie)

-*-*-*-*-

The title song for the movie by Casting Crowns, I love it.And in my pregnant condition, it makes me cry. It stirs my heart and overwhelms me.Take a moment to watch it.

Couragous - Casting Crowns

In America, and the world today, there is major crisis. That crisis is the lack of fathers/men in the lives of their children/families.

Prager University has a video on the importance of black fathers, but they share some statistics on fatherhood in general that makes it worth watching: Prager U: Father Video

Children who grow up without a father are:

• 5x more likely to live in poverty & commit crime
• 9x more likely to drop out of school
• 20x more likely to go to prison

Statistics on unwed mothers:

• In 1960, 5% of children grew up in a home with a mother and father not married to each other.
• In 1980, it was 18%
• 2000 it was 33%
• By 2015, that increased to 44%

This issue, this lack of men in the family, crosses generations, races, and economic boundaries. Now it might be more noticeable in certain communities, but this issue effects everyone. There are those on the extreme left who say, "The future is WOMAN!" I have issue with that. God made man and woman both in His likeness. God doesn't make mistakes, He made man and woman to fulfill His plan for creation. Both serve a purpose. Humanity needs both men and women, no matter what science says.

I look around my own life and so the evidence of the importance of men. I am blessed that in spite of my parent's divorce when I was 2.5 years old, my mother eventually married another man, who for the past 24 years has been an amazing influence in my life, and now I can say in my children's life. The day I walked down the isle, both my father and "step" father walked me down the isle to wed my husband. While my mother and father did not make life work together, them and my "step" father worked together in raising me. And, maybe I am a bit biased, but I think I turned out rather well.

My mother/father in-loves have been married around 40 years, raised 3 sons to adulthood, and now have 5 grandchildren with my unborn child being their 6th. The 3 sons talk to each other, us 3 sister-in-loves talk too. We are stronger for these bonds.

Let's look at the Reverend Billy Graham, a tangible example almost everyone the world over can look to. He passed away on February 21, and the world will not be the same with him in Heaven. But the legacy  he left, it cannot be underplayed. I have followed the teachings of his daughter Anne for several years now, and on April 12 was blessed to hear his daughter Ruth speak at woman's event at my church. And should the LORD tarry through November, I hope to hear in person his 3rd daughter Gigi speak. These three ladies and his sons have taken up the torch their father lit and and running the race that Jesus set as an example:

Hebrews 12:1-3 (NASB)
Jesus, the Example
12 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Friends, there are many heartaches in this world.

February 14 - Parkland, Florida
February 21 - Billy Graham passed away
April 8 -Chemical attack in Syria
April 17 - Former First Lady Barbra Bush passed away
April 27 - Alfie Evans dies
April 30 - Israel exposes Iran Lies

Death, destruction, lies.

It is only going to get worse. My pastor preached tonight the midweek sermon. Normally his son does, but food poisoning (send up a prayer). Our pastor and his wife just returned from a trip to the Holy Land with 82 other church members. And his sermon tonight shared what I have learned the past 8 months about Christianity.

Here are some of my sermon notes:

In Israel, there are 13.5 million people: 7 million Palestinians & 6.5 Jews,numbers released by the Israeli military a few weeks ago.
Of those 13.5 million people, 1% of those are Christians, and in the Holy City, Jerusalem, that number is less than 1%.

He added that America is heading towards a society that shares that statistic. With everything going on in our country, and the world, faith in Christ is declining, knowledge of who Christ is is declining. And unless the men of the world come to faith in Christ, society will continue to crumble. Men serving God and not themselves will be what changes our world. Jesus could tarry and not Rapture the church if the men in this country, in the world, grew up, manned up, and became men who serve God. A man who serves the LORD puts God firs, then his family, then himself. He works hard, is active in church/community, is a present in the lives of his children, and shows his children love by serving/loving his wife. A man who marries a woman, usually brings them both out of poverty. Men make a world of difference. We need to appreciate what men are capable of doing.

Prager U has another great video that outlines the benefits of men marrying. Prager U: Be a Man, Get Married

Let me wrap up. The future is not man, is not woman, it is both working together to fulfill God's will. We need to stop down playing the importance of men in society and the world. Scripture tells us that a day is coming when the church will no longer be here, and the wrath of the God will be poured out on humanity. We do not know when that day will come. So until then, we need to pray, we need to share the Gospel, share what Jesus has done in our lives, and remember that God wins in the end. And because we do not know the day, or the hour, we must live as if we have time, even though we are aware that we do not know for sure how long we have. Ladies, pray for the men in your lives, and in the lives of your children. Men, seek God first, lead your families by example.

A Note for Women Raising Children with out Fathers:

Dear Sister,

You are amazing, you are loved, you are not alone. You are doing the best you can, in a situation God never intended for any of His beloved children. Remember, we live in a fallen and dying world. God will be father to the fatherless. Keep moving forward. Do what you can to set the example of Christ in your home. Find men (preachers, pastors, grandfathers, uncles) who can be an example to your children. Boys and girls alike need to see what men are supposed to be like. And remember, our heavenly Father loves our children even more than we do. We have to trust them into His hands. He has given them to us to raise, but ultimately they are not ours. Hang in there. You are prayed for.

MARRIAGE: Protect it! Fight for it!

This past Tuesday night was a normal night for our household. The one exception is that the kids were super excited to be going to the zoo the next day. Getting 2 kids under the age of 5 to bed with thoughts of lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) in their heads is not an easily accomplished task.

But my husband in persevered and both kids went to bed. So the two of us did what I assume most couples do in America these days once the kids are in bed, we plopped on the couch, put a sitcom on, and somewhat mindlessly browsed Facebook on our phone.

A post by a lady stood out to me in my browsing. The summer study for my connection group at church is Lysa TerKeurst's "Finding I AM." So maybe because I am engrossed in her study every day, sharing tidbits on our connection group page, seeing that she posted something stood out. So I read her post.

And then I was in shock. My heart broke for Lysa. For those of you who want to read her own words, here is the link to her post:

 

Rejection, Heartache, and a Faithful God

Let me summarize:

Her husband of almost 25 years for about 2 years was unfaithful to her and developed a substance abuse issue. And after therapy, counseling, prayer, fasting she is filing for divorce. Her own words:

"When I first found out about Art’s infidelity 18 months ago, I made the decision not to divorce him. I had just finished fasting and praying for 28 days and really felt led by the Lord that I was to love Art in my reaction to this shocking news and trust God for every step moving forward. I was still committed to doing everything I could think of to make our story one of restoration, even in the face of the worst kind of betrayal imaginable. I prayed continually. I sought counsel from family and other wise friends. And Art and I even made repeated trips across the country together for intensive counseling especially designed for marriages in crisis. But sadly, though I have repeatedly forgiven and accepted him back, he has continued to abuse substances, be unfaithful, and refused to be truthful to me and our family.

I believe I have the capacity to love Art and to forgive him, but his steadfast refusal to end the infidelity has led me to make the hardest decision of my life. After much prayer and consultation with wise, biblically-minded people, I have decided that Art has abandoned our marriage. Yet, the Lord has been so faithful to help me at every step of this very painful journey and has now assured me I’ve done all I can do."

Do you understand why I was (and still somewhat am) in shock? Let's review Lysa's "resume" if you will:

• President of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the New York Times best-selling author of Uninvited, The Best Yes, Unglued, Made to Crave, and 16 other books.
• Married 25 years
• Raised 5 children

Now lets go worldly - she is gorgeous, put together. She is the WHOLE package.
But she wasn't enough.

Lord help us, if a woman like her isn't enough - how can our own marriage survive? We are dis-shelved, stay at home moms, or assistants in offices. Our roots are showing (our ends need a trim too to be honest), toe nails need a pedicure, our clothes don't fit just right anymore (because we are too tired to go to the gym).

Most would say her husband didn't have a reason to cheat, but he was missing something. And it wasn't something Lysa could give him. He thought another woman could give him what he was missing. But she cannot and eventually he will realize that. That longing, that something that is missing - only Jesus can fill that need.

Proverbs 5 is a warning against adultery. Let's look at verses 15-20:

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

God is warning us, the decision you made in your youth - honor it. If you married young, fight for your marriage years down the road. Keep the fires burning. The spouse of your youth, the one who was with you in the hard times, when you were dirt poor, had nothing, but that person stood by you - stand by them. Do not upgrade or trade up - which the world will tell you is fitting. Reject that teaching. Stay married, woo your spouse, fight for them.

At work we talked about Mrs. TerKeurst's situation. Several of us read the comments left by others in response to her sharing. Our world is breaking. People are devastated. Post after post, women were pouring out their hearts that they knew what she was going through. That they understand, they are in her shoes.

I read a commentary that summed the situation up nicely (for lack of any other word):

"Not ONE of us is immune to Satan’s plans for our marriage."

What Lysa TerKeurst’s Divorce Tells Us About Our Own Marriages

Marriage was the first institution created by God.
Before the church, the feasts, the celebrations in the tabernacle, God created Marriage. Marriage is important to God - it should be important to you and me.

Genesis 2: 18-25

"Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”  Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

God made man, and did not want him to be alone, that it wasn't good for him to be alone, so he made woman for him. To help him. We are designed to be coupled, to become one flesh, to serve the Lord together. And Satan is doing everything he can to destroy the institution of family. Satan thought he should be God, so he is about to destroy God. You and I know that in the end Satan loses, but until then he has a freedom to cause chaos. His (Satan) chaos should cause us to move toward the Father, to draw closer to God, to strive to live as Christ lived.

And right now - we need to fight for our marriages. If your friendships are not building up your marriage, get rid of the friendships. If your parents do not support/believe/encourage your spouse, spend less time with your parents. Show your children that your spouse comes before them - as God intended. Love your spouse, dance with them in the kitchen, kiss them before bed. If you are having troubles, seek help - counseling, see your pastor, do not go it alone. The world today is designed to alienate us from those around us - don't let it happen. Build up a community around you that is pro-marriage, pro-family. We must fight for our marriages. But know this - if you take on this challenge, you will meet obstacles.

Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

My husband and I have resolved together that divorce is not an option for us. It is the legacy of my heritage, and I want my children and the generations after them to have a better foundation. But taking this stand, by resolving that we will not divorce - we have set ourselves up for attacks, struggles, and issues. And we have had them - financially being the #1 issue - which is one of the top reasons couples divorce. We want to be different, sanctified, set apart. To keep our marriage together, to not let it fall victim to the schemes of the enemy, we have had to work and invest in our marriage. We have attended seminars, we go on dates just the two of us, we spend time with other couples who share our values, we talk and assess how our marriage is doing. Daily we tell each other we love each other, we are affectionate as often as possible (1 Corinthians 7:5 - Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.), we surprise the other with tokens of appreciation. We tend to our marriage as you tend to a plant - it can only produce fruit if it is properly cared for.

I will end this with the marriage chapter of 1 Corinthians (Chapter 7: 1-16):

Principles for Marriage

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Lifestyle & Marriage: The Art & Act of Submission

Submission.

I am pretty sure the hairs on the back of your neck went up  - even just a bit. The word has a negative connotation to it, but as a Christian, more so a Christian woman, the word should bring peace.

I had the pleasure this weekend to lead my Connection Group (read Sunday School Class) while our leader and several members were away on a retreat. Our leader worked it out to where at the same time (ish) we would watch the same video and have a discussion at the same time. The video is part of a series by Priscilla Shirer (her site), and the lesson we watched (even with being miles apart) was on control. Priscilla shares how she signed her and husband up for dance lessons to commemorate an anniversary. The instructor focused mainly on her husband, and how he needed to lead, and what he needed to do and know to lead. For Priscilla, she was told to follow.

In true woman fashion (we are all guilty!), she did not follow. In fact, she took control and told him when/how/where to guide her. And in the end she was exhausted. And the instructor told her, that without a doubt she was exhausted because she took on a role she was not meant to take.

Sister, are you exhausted? Are you tired? Are you taking on responsibilities that your husband wants to do, but can't because you "know better how to do it"? If someone asked your husband who wears the pants in the family and his response is, "Let me ask my wife"- then sister, you have taken on a role you were not meant to take.

Leading my classmates was an amazing experience for me. I feel we got to know each other better, and with the variety of backgrounds, and chapters in life, we saw how submission and control plays out in different lives and different stages of life. But even with our differences we all recognized that we do have a hard time letting our husbands (or God) take control. We discussed why...there are past hurts (some that went deep), some pride, even our work or education experience makes us feel we are the better authority on certain subjects topics. We had a truly great conversation.

The key Bible passage was this:

1 Corinthians 11 (ESV)

1 Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Sisters, God has told us that we are to submit. We further discussed this word in class on Sunday. Our modern culture tells us that to submit is to lose our identity, to give up who we are, to be put under a man's thumb. Well this is right and wrong all at the same time. Sisters, when we became Christians, when we gave our lives over to Christ, we submitted ourselves and our wills to HIS way and will. But for some reason, the spiritual submission is easier than the literal one in life to our husband. Now for those of you who are not married I say this - You still are to respect and submit yourself to a higher authority: your boss, teacher, or parents. For married sisters - your authority is your husband, and if you work you do need to respect your boss's authority, but not go against your husband's will.

One thing discussed was honoring our husband's authority but not honoring his sin. If your husband asks you to take part of something that God defines as sin, do not do it. Honor God above all, He is our first love, and head over all. Pray for your husband that he will submit his life back under the authority of Christ, who has submitted himself under the full authority of God.

God really put this principle (submission) on my heart this past week. I found an article that spoke to me about this very topic:

To the Friend Who Rolled Her Eyes When I Asked My Husband’s Permission.

Please read it, but here are the points the author makes:

1. Asking permission is a sign of RESPECT.
2. Asking permission ensures LESS CONFLICT.
3. Husband and Wife feel EMPOWERED.
4. It enables better decision making as a couple.
5. It keeps you engaged in each other's lives.

And this all ties into authority. You see, I ask my husband for his permission (and he mine) when we want to do something that is not our routine. With two little children, our life is scheduled - there is less chaos, we know what to expect, and emotions don't get in the way. I show my husband respect when I ask to do something out of the routine. And if he says no, I accept it. I try to do so joyfully, that doesn't always happen, but that is on me, not him. You see, I know the consequences (negative) of insisting on getting my way. I insisted on us buying the house we live in - he was not in love with it. And for a while it was a splinter in our marriage that would not budge. We eventually worked it out, and yes we still live in the house, but we make every decision about it together now. And we both have the philosophy for major decisions that impact our lives, that if we are both not 100% agreement we don't move forward. Now you may ask, what negative consequences have we faced? Numerous repairs that should have been caught by the inspector, hard to work with HOA, other bills popped up that left us strapped. In hindsight I believe God had a better house for us, with more updates, needing less work, and a better mortgage payment. But because I insisted on getting this house, we missed out and got what we got. I could say in my defense I was pregnant and ready to be done with the home buying process, but our God is a good Father, and remember this:

Matthew 7:11 (ESV)
11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

So what does submission look like in the life of a Christian woman?

• It is a wife thanking her husband for cleaning the house, doing the laundry, making dinner - instead of telling him he used the wrong products, folded the towels wrong, or didn't follow the meal plan.
• It is acknowledging he is parenting the children, not babysitting them.
• With this, letting him parent his way, even if your way is "better".
• It is not making disparaging comments about your husband. REMEMBER - you chose to marry him, you weren't forced to the altar (at least not in America). He was YOUR choice.
• It is seeking ways to satisfy his needs - physical, mental, spiritual, and even sexual.
• physical - let him be a man, wild at heart
• mental - encourage him to think, brainstorm, create
• spiritual - pray for him, encourage him to build his relationship with Christ
• sexual - honey, have sex
• 1 Corinthians 7:5 (ESV)5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
• And remember, that ultimately there has to be a head of the household, and God has ordained the husband to be the head - and his final decision must be final. Not that you as woman cannot have an opinion, but it his responsibility to lead the family, and you must submit to that as the Bible states.

To any men reading this post I have this note. The Bible has its verses on the woman submitting to the man, and most have the word "likewise" after indicating that the man is to do the same, and some cases even more than what the woman is called to do. A man's responsibility is greater than the woman's.