Faithful: Abigail

"He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

God, throughout the Bible, displays Himself as being faithful and worthy of our (yours and mine) trust.

In scripture, the Old Testament exactly, there is the story of a woman who is the personification of living out the life of faith: Abigail.

Now, those who know me personally, know that I have personal attachment to this name, as my only daughter was named after this wonderful woman in the Bible. The Mother's Day after I found out I was pregnant, the pastor of my church preached on Abigail, and I said if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Abigail. Not too many weeks later we found out that our baby was a girl, and so, she was named Abigail.

So why did I settle on this name? What is so great about Abigail that I felt it was the right name to name my daughter? We will get there, but lets first go over the background of Abigail, and her situation.

Abigail was a woman in Carmel, married to a man named Nabal, who was harsh and evil in his dealings.

Nabal had previous dealings with David (yes that David!) indirectly through Nabal's shepherds who had been with David's shepherds, and that interaction had been peaceful. When David heard that Nabal and his men were shearing their sheep, David had this to say:

1 Samuel 25:5-8

 "So David sent ten young men; and David said to the young men, “Go up to Carmel, visit Nabal and greet him in my name; 6 and thus you shall say, ‘Have a long life, peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have. 7 Now I have heard that you have shearers; now your shepherds have been with us and we have not insulted them, nor have they missed anything all the days they were in Carmel. 8 Ask your young men and they will tell you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your eyes, for we have come on a festive day. Please give whatever you find at hand to your servants and to your son David.’”

The customs of the time and culture were that David and his men should have received favor, and even some provisions from Nabal. SHOULD have....

1 Samuel 25: 9-11

9 When David’s young men came, they spoke to Nabal according to all these words in David’s name; then they waited. 10 But Nabal answered David’s servants and said, “Who is David? And who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants today who are each breaking away from his master. 11 Shall I then take my bread and my water and my meat that I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men whose origin I do not know?” 

Nabal quickly was living up to his reputation. 

David did not take the disrespect well, and in haste was setting up to go to war. And at this point, this is where we get to see the beauty, intelligence and wonder that is Abigail, and the lessons we can learn from her. (verses 12-13)

Six Lessons from Abigail

1. Act quickly when necessary - don't be fearful
2. Be humble and kind; seek peace
3. God will fight for you
4. Be knowledgeable
5. Be aware of timing
6. Respect your husband

1. Act quickly when necessary - don't be fearful

Now, at this point war was coming to Nabal, and therefore Abigail, though neither knew it. But the servants who were around Nabal when he dismissed David's men heard, and one rushed to Abigail.

14 But one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, saying, “Behold, David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, and he scorned them. 15 Yet the men were very good to us, and we were not insulted, nor did we miss anything as long as we went about with them, while we were in the fields. 16 They were a wall to us both by night and by day, all the time we were with them tending the sheep. 17 Now therefore, know and consider what you should do, for evil is plotted against our master and against all his household; and he is such a worthless man that no one can speak to him.”

Now, in a moment I will address the swift action of Abigail. But first I want to address that the servant knew he could go to Abigail. She was approachable, and those in her husband's employ knew they could go to her, and if she could, she would do something.

Can people come to you? Do you have that type of reputation? Please ponder that.

With the warning given to her by her husband's servant, Abigail didn't loaf around. She recognized that immediate action was necessary. There are times of we must be decisive and not procrastinate, the solution is obvious and you must act. And there are times we should pray and fast. You must evaluate the situation you are in. Purchasing a house, I would suggest the prayer and fasting method. But when war is at your door, you must be swift.

18 Then Abigail hurried and took two hundred loaves of bread and two jugs of wine and five sheep already prepared and five measures of roasted grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs, and loaded them on donkeys. 19 She said to her young men, “Go on before me; behold, I am coming after you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

Abigail's swift action saved the life of the people in her household, herself, and even her husband (though he had no knowledge).

2. Be humble and kind; seek peace

This point goes against the modern culture we live in. Most women today, when confronted in this situation, would have come upon David and start yelling, making demands, being aggressive, yelling about his masculine toxicity, and how she is a "Boss Babe" and he will do as she said.

And if she had done that, Abigail and all those with her, and then those back home, would have likely been slaughtered. Abigail, wisely, defused the entire situation with humbleness, her own. Abigail was not at fault in the scenario, but she put herself in front of it, bowed down and asked for forgiveness on behalf of her husband (without bad mouthing him once!).

20 It came about as she was riding on her donkey and coming down by the hidden part of the mountain, that behold, David and his men were coming down toward her; so she met them. 21 Now David had said, “Surely in vain I have guarded all that this man has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him; and he has returned me evil for good. 22 May God do so to the enemies of David, and more also, if by morning I leave as much as one male of any who belong to him.”

23 When Abigail saw David, she hurried and dismounted from her donkey, and fell on her face before David and bowed herself to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the blame. And please let your maidservant speak to you, and listen to the words of your maidservant. 25 Please do not let my lord pay attention to this worthless man, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name and folly is with him; but I your maidservant did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent.

26 “Now therefore, my lord, as the Lord lives, and as your soul lives, since the Lord has restrained you from shedding blood, and from avenging yourself by your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek evil against my lord, be as Nabal. 27 Now let this gift which your maidservant has brought to my lord be given to the young men who accompany my lord. 28 Please forgive the transgression of your maidservant; for the Lord will certainly make for my lord an enduring house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the Lord, and evil will not be found in you all your days. 29 Should anyone rise up to pursue you and to seek your life, then the life of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of the living with the Lord your God; but the lives of your enemies He will sling out as from the hollow of a sling. 30 And when the Lord does for my lord according to all the good that He has spoken concerning you, and appoints you ruler over Israel, 31 this will not cause grief or a troubled heart to my lord, both by having shed blood without cause and by my lord having avenged himself. When the Lord deals well with my lord, then remember your maidservant.”

And by bowing down before David, and seeking forgiveness on behalf of her household, her genuineness was a plea for peace between the two groups and God showed David that if he slaughtered the entire household it would be wrong, and many innocents would be killed.

Even doing all this, there was no guarantee for Abigail that David would accept her plea and offer a pardon. Still, she did what is right, and did not think of herself only. She showed her love and compassion for those in her household.

3. God will fight for you

Abigail was not alone when she came up to David. God was with her, as He is with us today. God gave Abigail a special favor that allowed her to make a favorable impression on King David.

32 Then David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me, 33 and blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed and from avenging myself by my own hand.

Not only did God come along side Abigail in her dealings with David, He was with her when she returned to her husband. Now, scripture does not say this, but it can be inferred that Nabal's harsh and evils ways probably were known to Abigail in her marriage. Upon returning home, Nabal was drunk, with many others. She wisely did not confront him while he was in this state.

36 Then Abigail came to Nabal, and behold, he was holding a feast in his house, like the feast of a king. And Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk; so she did not tell him anything [af]at all until the morning light.37 But in the morning, when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things, and his heart died within him so that he became as a stone. 38 About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died.

Abigail faced the coming with with grace, humility, meekness, and kindness, and God gave her favor, and further protected her from the wrath of her evil husband.

4. Be knowledgeable

Back in verse 10, Nabal shows his arrogance and lack of knowledge of what is going on his society. 

10 But Nabal answered David’s servants and said, “Who is David? And who is the son of Jesse? 

Abigail on the other hand was known for her intelligence.

3 (now the man’s name was Nabal, and his wife’s name was Abigail. And the woman was intelligent and beautiful in appearance, but the man was harsh and evil in his dealings

Knowledge is power. 

Proverbs 9:10

10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,

And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

When Abigail was made aware of the situation between Nabal and David, she didn't ask questions. Her actions imply she knew who David was, she recognized who he was, and used this knowledge in her dealings with him.

You can never know all of any one thing. Study, be knowledgeable, know what is going on around you, in your town, church, family, community. Pay attention. do not be an ostrich burying your head in the sand.

5. Be aware of timing

Timing can be key when you want to effectively communicate something. If someone is distracted, distraught, or drunk, probably best to not have vital, crucial conversations with them.

Abigail knew this, and applied this lesson when going to her husband. Upon obtaining peace with David, Abigail returned home to her husband having a feast like a king.

36 Then Abigail came to Nabal, and behold, he was holding a feast in his house, like the feast of a king. And Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk; so she did not tell him anything [af]at all until the morning light. 37 But in the morning, when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things, and his heart died within him so that he became as a stone. 38 About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died.

He was drunk as a skunk, and he would not have retained anything she said to him. She waited until the next morning, once he sobered up. Then she told him all that had transpired.

Knowing when to speak and when to be silent, that is an invaluable skill that all need to acquire.

6. Respect your husband

Ephesians 5:33 "and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Scripture commands women to respect their husbands. And there are ZERO clauses attached to that.

• you are not exempt if he is a drunk, rude, jobless, arrogant

We are to respect them, our husbands. Abigail lived this example out for us in her marriage to Nabal. His evil, wrath and arrogance almost cost the entire household, herself included, their lives at the hand of the man, that scripture described as the man after God's own heart.

1 Samuel 13:14

"...The Lord has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the Lord has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not kept what the Lord commanded you.”

Acts 13:22

"...He raised up David to be their king, concerning whom He also testified and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My heart, who will do all My will."

When the servant came to Abigail of the report of how Nabal dismissed David's men, she did not bad-mouth him. Not once does scripture say she was smug, disrespectful, or snarky towards her husband. In fact, she offers him respect, as the head of the household, by giving a report to him of all that occurred, when he had the ability to understand (when he sobered up).

God's way, which Abigail demonstrated for us, goes against the teachings of the world. We need to be less "Boss Babe" and more like "Admirable Abigail." In the face of injustice, be kind, compassionate, and composed.

Abigail's attributes did not leave her desolate and a widow for long. God restored to her a husband. 

39 When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Blessed be the Lord, who has pleaded the cause of my reproach from the hand of Nabal and has kept back His servant from evil. The Lord has also returned the evildoing of Nabal on his own head.” Then David sent a proposal to Abigail, to take her as his wife. 40 When the servants of David came to Abigail at Carmel, they spoke to her, saying, “David has sent us to you to take you as his wife.” 41 She arose and bowed with her face to the ground and said, “Behold, your maidservant is a maid to wash the feet of my lord’s servants.” 42 Then Abigail quickly arose, and rode on a donkey, with her five maidens who attended her; and she followed the messengers of David and became his wife.

Now, we do know that David had several wives, but we don't hear of him being harsh or mean to them. So it is safe to assume her marriage to David was much better than that of her marriage to Nabal.

Living a Faithful Life like Abigail

God works faithfully on behalf of those who choose to follow Him. Abigail is an example.

When trials and tribulations come, and they will, trust in God, show your faith in Him, and He will deliver you. He is always with us, close by, He sees our heart, and He is constantly working on our behalf. He has the entire picture, why we only see our little part. But our little part does matter to Him, remember that.

He will provide enough grace each day to get us through the trials we face.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

    his mercies never come to an end;

23 they are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

And so, why did we name our daughter Abigail? Well, in hopes that she would live up to the name. Beauty, intelligence. Abigail in the Bible lived a faithful life, cared for others, was humble, sweet in spirit, respectful. Those are beautiful attributes for any woman to have.

Psalm 23:3, "He restores my soul"

It has been over 2 years since I've written. The latest few years have been fraught with change and upheaval.  Personally,  globally, church wise, everything changing, and changing rapidly.

For now, I want to comment on my personal changes.

It has always been my desire to be a stay at home wife and mom. It has also been my husband's desire. Even more so, I have wanted to be at home with my kids,  to homeschool. 

October 2019 my husband and I got serious about our finances,  took a class to get out of debt. Then March of 2020 the global pandemic hit, and it could have been a set back. But God. Psalm 23:1 says,  "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." What we were doing was in the will of God. God was not stopped by the pandemic. Things were tight, but we pushed on, we paid off debt, and stayed focused. 

About 1 year ago, God started planting in my heart the idea of leaving the workforce as I knew it. I have worked since I was 14. I have always worked, it is what I know. But I was tired of having my heart and mind divided with being under the authority of a boss and my husband. So, in December my husband and I prayed intensively, and came the understanding that God wanted me to be at home serving my husband, with our kids and to homeschool. I turned in my resignation, and spent this last semester closing out my job and researching curriculum. 

So, now I am at home. I am having quality time with each of my children. I'm working out more, I'm helping my husband with our business. I'm napping, I'm resting, I'm studying. I'm being restored.

Psalms 23:3 says, "He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake."

I have been able to attend an conference for women who serve and lead. And Merrily Hagarman, her husband preaches in Joshua Springs, CA, spoke a bit on Psalm 23. And for verse 3 she explained that the word restore means to be made back to what once was. God is doing this in me now. I'm being restored to the woman He intended for me. 

I am drawing closer to God in this time. I'm off for the summer,  for the first time in 23 years. I'm finding out who I am as a wife and mother who is only accountable to my husband and the Lord. It is such a sweet time, a pleasant time. 

I am focusing and studying on who a godly wife and mom is. And my encouragement comes from Titus 2:4, "so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children." Older women are to show/teach/model how to love a husband and children. I love my husband and my three children. But I know I can do more, I can do better. I'm connecting with friends who are older, I'm observing, making notes, and praying. 

I'm looking forward to this be season I am in. I plan on writing again. Bible study, prophecy updates, words of encouragement. 

Vote Biblically

It is here.

Election Day 2020. 

Today those who do not participate in Early Voting, will go to the polls and vote for the President of the United States (and other leaders, proposals, etc).

I am not here to tell you pick this person or that person.

That is a personal choice. If you want to know who I voted for, reach out to me.

But, if you are a believer I want you to remember this; each of us will answer to God for what we did with our lives - good and bad.

Romans 14:12 New American Standard Bible

12 So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.

America is more divided then ever. This election is divisive. But I encourage you to put all that aside. As a Christian, we need to look to God's word to direct our vote.

Joshua 24:15 New American Standard Bible

15 But if it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served, which were beyond the Euphrates River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Our Pastor on Sunday encouraged everyone to vote, and to vote biblically. Consider these 4 points before you cast your vote:

Abortion

Proverbs 6: 16-19

16 There are six things that the Lord hates,

Seven that are an abomination to Him:

17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,

And hands that shed innocent blood,

18 A heart that devises wicked plans,

Feet that run rapidly to evil,

19 A false witness who declares lies,

And one who spreads strife among brothers.

Friends, who is more innocent than a baby in the womb? Roe v. Wade is evil, abortion is infanticide, it is murder. 

Psalm 127:3 NASB

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

I think the world has forgotten this fact. God's word states clearly that children are a gift, a reward. And yet, for all time children have been cast aside, viewed as a distraction, a hinderance. During the times of 1 & 2 Kings, people participated in child sacrifice to their idols. Now that has been dressed up and is called "choice." 

Psalm 106:38 NASB

And shed innocent blood,

The blood of their sons and their daughters

Whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan;

And the land was defiled with the blood.

That choice has consequences. The God that knitted us in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13), He will not let it go unpunished. 

Joel 3:21 NASB

And I will avenge their blood which I have not avenged,

For the Lord dwells in Zion.

Yes, even the Israelites sacrificed their children. They had divided hearts. It is a sad state of affairs when women advocate for the right to murder their own children without punishment - and the government allows it.

Marriage

I wrote a paper in college, and called it Adam for Eve, not for Steve - or something along those lines. The assignment was to write a controversial opinion piece. I passed, my professor seemed impressed. 

Gods word is controversial to a world that thinks they are their own god. And for believers, to stand on God's truth, is to be viewed narrow mindedly. But, Jesus said that the only way to the Father is through Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). That is pretty narrow and specific. 

And when it comes to marriage, God's word defines it:

Genesis 2:24 NASB

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Our country has seen a downhill slide in depravity since the sexual revolution of the 1950's and the 1960's. Free love, increase in STD's, generations born of broken families, the destruction of the nuclear family, gay "marriage", pushes to normalize pedophilia, and so much more. I have been reading through "The Book of Signs" by Dr. David Jeremiah. And one point that stuck out to me was this 

"In 1947, sociologist Dr. Carle Zimmerman wrote a text called “Family and Civilization.” He identified eleven ‘symptoms of final decay’ observable in the fall of both the Greek and Roman civilizations. 

See how many characterize our society:

1. No-fault divorce
2. “Birth dearth”; increased disrespect for parenthood and parents
3.  Meaningless marriage rites/ceremonies
4. Defamation of past national heroes
5. Acceptance of alternative marriage forms
6.  Widespread attitudes of feminism, narcissism, hedonism
7.  Propagation of antifamily sentiment 
8. Acceptance of most forms of adultery 
9. Rebellious children 
10. Increased juvenile delinquency 
11. Common acceptance of all forms of sexual perversion."

Israel

Genesis 12:3 NASB

"And I will bless those who bless you,

And the one who curses you I will curse.

And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”

God's word sets the precedent for other nations and how they should act towards and with Israel. Pray for Israel, and elect leaders who support Israel.

Church - Essential

Essential - that could be one of the top 10 words of the year 2020. 

es·sen·tial

/əˈsen(t)SHəl/

adjective

absolutely necessary; extremely important

noun

a thing that is absolutely necessary

I never thought I would see the day when churches in America would freely shut their doors. But that happened. Church leaders shut the churches down, because the "leaders" in government said it was essential to flatten the curve and prevent people from getting the virus! (by the way, the government is to represent us, not lead or lord over us - we have a republic if we can keep it!)

I will admit, closing things down for the 2 weeks, at first sounded rational. Logical even. But then, they kept extending the time frame. And it wasn't just churches. But schools and businesses too! And here we are, about 8 months later and many states and cities are still in lockdowns. And many churches are closed, forbidden to open! 

In these days, these last days, people need hope. They need Jesus. They need fellowship. We are not meant to be alone and isolated. God meant for us to be together.

Hebrews 10:25 NASB

not abandoning our own meeting together, as is the habit of some people, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

If you have followed my blog for any time, but especially in the last 8 months, I have mentioned Pastor J.D. Farag often. I came upon his prophecy updates, and have faithfully listened to his 3 weekly sermons without fail. How he explains Hebrews 10:25 conveys the right visual to what God intended when Paul (more than likely) penned the book.

Many think the meeting together is gathered, but Pastor Farag argues it is assembled. His example is a watch. The pieces can be gathered together, but they don't work until they are assembled. The church can "gather" online, but its not until we are assembled together that we truly can do the work of Christ.

Homemaking

Homemaking. It has been on my mind a good deal here lately. Most people when they think of homemaking , they think of June Cleaver from "Leave it to Beaver."

And you know what, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Being a mom to three children, wife to a husband who is working three jobs, being employed outside of the home myself, my home needs to be a sanctuary. My home needs to be more than just a house.

And God has put it on my heart here lately that yes, I need to be good employee, I need to be at your daughter, daughter-in-law sister; but most importantly my main mission field right now is my home. I need to focus my energies on my husband ,my marriage, and my children.

The past few weeks have been a struggle realigning our home with God's will. Focusing on those things that make our home a sanctuary. I am trying to keep up with laundry which is never ending. And I want to have a joyful spirit about it. The dishwasher daily needs to be loaded and reloaded. Groceries always need to be purchased and it's hard to take three kids to the grocery store. It is doable though as I am learning.

I want my home to be a place where my children know comfort,love and peace. When the world outside is going crazy, I want them when they are within these walls to breathe easy, to sleep peacefully, to be happy.

"So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander."

1 Timothy 5:14 ESV

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." 

Titus 2: 3-5 ESV

And these two verses will be my guiding verses. Homemaking is biblical. And it is what God is calling me to focus on.

Fifty Shades of Red

Confession: As a tween I was introduced to romance novels. I am talking about Julia Garwood, Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts and the like. Books very similar to the daytime soap operas on the standard channels. No where near appropriate for a 10-13 year old to read. I was a ferocious reader (still am to a degree) and could read 3 to 4 a week.

Now, romance novels were not the only books I read, I read Little Women, Jane Eyre, Edgar Allen Poe, and many others. So a varied assortment, but should I have read the romance novels? As an adult, looking back, the answer is absolutely no. The books I read very easily effected my perspective on romance, sex, and relationships. The books, with their fictional story lines, some highly improbable, with unrealistic outcomes changed how I viewed life. Will I allow my daughter to read such books while she is in my house? No, not at all. 

2011, the year that the first book of the Fifty Shades trilogy came out. My husband and I were married. I remember the book came out while I was in the midst of a ladies bible study group at church. The book came up after our main session while we were split into small groups. Amongst my group of varied ladies (backgrounds, education, age, stage of life) not a single one of us wanted to read the book, and in fact many of us were appalled. 

Were we being prudes? Maybe. But what had us appalled was the number of God fearing women we knew who were fanning over the book. Mothers, Bible study leaders, women we respected -  were excited about this book trilogy. A trilogy based on debased sexual perversions, that glorifies sexual/mental abuse, and highlights an ungodly/immoral relationship.

Many of us asked amongst our selves, and to the ladies who were excited about the books this question: what is the difference between the trilogy and porn? To those we asked, many thought we were being overly dramatic, that there was no connection. Porn they said was degrading to women, and nasty men watched it. They got very defensive and deflective. But there is no difference. Both porn and that trilogy degrade women, make light of the foundation God implemented for sex, and changes how the individual partaking in its message views romance/sex/life.

As with our culture, if a book goes against God, glorifies an "alternative lifestyle" and is successful monetarily, movies are made! Just recently the third movie was released and has been a roaring success according to the media news outlets. It has had a $33 million launch and is a box office success. 

What does this say about our society? That fact that these books and movies are so successful does not speak well about the moral temperature of our culture and society. 

Ladies if you have read this trilogy and seen these movies, I HOPE and PRAY that the Holy Spirit convicts you and you become Fifty Shades of RED! Be embarrassed. God created sex, He knows what is best and how it works best: within a marriage, built on the foundation of faith. God knows how love works, He created it and defined it!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails

And also remember this, God's plan for marriage:
Ephesians 5: 22-33 (Marriage Like Christ and the Church)

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.


25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Ladies, we are the moral lighthouse of our homes. We have a heavy influence on our children and their upbringing. Our children see what we do, and what we do is what they will do. Let that sink in on every level - how you dress, how you eat, how you serve, how you spend your leisure time. Women with daughters, I feel this is even more so relevant to us. Our daughters want to be us (at least my 5 year old does a this point). She wants to dress like me, do her hair like me, she asks to wear my lip stain - she wants to be my mini me. How I act in front of her, what activities I partake in, she is soaking in like a sponge. Our sons are influenced by us also, but their father will be the bigger influence in their actions and ambitions. Women usually are the glue that holds their families together, or tears it apart. 

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands

Let us all be the wise woman.

ARTICLE: The Luther Family and the Reformation of Marriage

I love learning about church history. And today being the 500th anniversary of Martin Luther nailing his 95 thesis to the door of the church, and the fact that my ministry emphasis is marriage, coming across this article had me excited!

Please take time to read this. Marriage's under attack is not a new thing, in fact, it has been happening since the very first marriage: Adam & Eve.

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/book-review-katharina-and-martin-luther-radical-marriage

These three highlights are outstanding:

1. Marriage done God’s way is a pathway to abundant joy.

2. The home is a little church, and parenting is a holy vocation.

3. A faithful Proverbs 31 woman is not a passive, demurring wife.

Just those three statements alone, show you how wonderful marriage can be and should be. God's word is not dormant, it is alive, and His plan for us is joyous!

FAMILY: Celebrating Turning 30

Yesterday was my sweet husband's 30th birthday.
Yes, my husband is younger than me, by almost 2 years.
But we are a good match. A little over a month ago we celebrated 6 years of marriage. And we have now been together about 7 1/2 years.
 
I am a blessed woman. I married a wonderful, hardworking, caring, compassionate, serving man. He doesn't like celebrating his birthday. He will tell you all he did was come into the world. It is his parents who deserve praise, and that is what he did yesterday via Facebook.

This is who he is. He cares more about others than himself. That is why he does all that he does. He lives a life serving others, shining the light of Christ, and drawing others to God. He lives out his faith in all that he does.

It sometimes take a pivot point to make one realize how amazing and wonderful a person is. In your heart you think you know, but then you find out how much more they are. In the past few weeks my husband and I have been drawing closer to each other. Having the conversations we should have been having all along. Now don't get me wrong, we were talking, but we have gone deeper now. We have finally reached the point where we are being completely open: what hurts we have, what we don't want to talk about (& why), what can be done about the hurts and the not wanting to talks, our dreams, our fears, our reservations. We are staying up late, during the week, laying side-by-side just talking.

It reminds me (& him) of when we were first together. Staying up late, not fretting about having to get up the next morning for work with no where near enough sleep. We do talk throughout our day via text & messenger, but those are flirty thoughts, and daily how you doings. We are doing better at saving the deeper stuff for in person, when you can read the person's emotions, see their body cues, and facial expressions. This way nothing is lost in what is being said.

Our pivot was realizing that I was lonely for a close friend, a girlfriend. I have my best friend who lives in Pennsylvania. But, while I can pick up the phone and call or text, its not like we can arrange a girls night out. Now my husband is not trying to fill this part of my life. I can turn to him, I can trust in him, but he is a man and I am a woman. Women need other women. Men need other men. And so he has encouraged me to reach out to others, in fact he has reached out to others to have them reach out to me - to "fix" this issue. And it's not like I don't know over 100 women - I have women I see weekly at church & in choir, and the cooking club I am apart of tries to meet semi regularly. But these relationships don't always go deeper then the surface. I am looking for someone who I can talk theology, coffee, parenting, marriage, and life with in person.

I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who is willing to help me with this. He has shown grace, love, mercy, and understanding. Throughout this experience I have come to see the love of Christ in my husband. Ladies, if you ever see this in your husband you will be humbled. I thought I had an idea of how much God loved me. But having the love of Christ come upon me through my husband has drawn me closer to God in my faith, has re-stirred up a passion for life, and has me feeling more like I used to. I pretty much had a come to Jesus moment - and I am not the same. And I am thankful!

We have never really "celebrated" my husband's birthday. He just doesn't care to. But, he turned 30! That is a milestone, and by golly all of us in the family said we were going to celebrate. So tomorrow night we are going to have a get together, child free. When we went on our honeymoon in San Antonio, we stumbled across a Brazilian Steakhouse - he fell in love! Well when we went back to San Antonio earlier this year, we found the place again (on purpose!). And while there I realized they have one here in our area. So the reservations have been made, the baby sitter arranged, and tomorrow night we are going to eat some amazing food with the people who are near and dear to us. And with all the changes in our lives that seem to be happening - his 30's are going to be AMAZING!

MARRIAGE: Protect it! Fight for it!

This past Tuesday night was a normal night for our household. The one exception is that the kids were super excited to be going to the zoo the next day. Getting 2 kids under the age of 5 to bed with thoughts of lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) in their heads is not an easily accomplished task.

But my husband in persevered and both kids went to bed. So the two of us did what I assume most couples do in America these days once the kids are in bed, we plopped on the couch, put a sitcom on, and somewhat mindlessly browsed Facebook on our phone.

A post by a lady stood out to me in my browsing. The summer study for my connection group at church is Lysa TerKeurst's "Finding I AM." So maybe because I am engrossed in her study every day, sharing tidbits on our connection group page, seeing that she posted something stood out. So I read her post.

And then I was in shock. My heart broke for Lysa. For those of you who want to read her own words, here is the link to her post:

 

Rejection, Heartache, and a Faithful God

Let me summarize:

Her husband of almost 25 years for about 2 years was unfaithful to her and developed a substance abuse issue. And after therapy, counseling, prayer, fasting she is filing for divorce. Her own words:

"When I first found out about Art’s infidelity 18 months ago, I made the decision not to divorce him. I had just finished fasting and praying for 28 days and really felt led by the Lord that I was to love Art in my reaction to this shocking news and trust God for every step moving forward. I was still committed to doing everything I could think of to make our story one of restoration, even in the face of the worst kind of betrayal imaginable. I prayed continually. I sought counsel from family and other wise friends. And Art and I even made repeated trips across the country together for intensive counseling especially designed for marriages in crisis. But sadly, though I have repeatedly forgiven and accepted him back, he has continued to abuse substances, be unfaithful, and refused to be truthful to me and our family.

I believe I have the capacity to love Art and to forgive him, but his steadfast refusal to end the infidelity has led me to make the hardest decision of my life. After much prayer and consultation with wise, biblically-minded people, I have decided that Art has abandoned our marriage. Yet, the Lord has been so faithful to help me at every step of this very painful journey and has now assured me I’ve done all I can do."

Do you understand why I was (and still somewhat am) in shock? Let's review Lysa's "resume" if you will:

• President of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the New York Times best-selling author of Uninvited, The Best Yes, Unglued, Made to Crave, and 16 other books.
• Married 25 years
• Raised 5 children

Now lets go worldly - she is gorgeous, put together. She is the WHOLE package.
But she wasn't enough.

Lord help us, if a woman like her isn't enough - how can our own marriage survive? We are dis-shelved, stay at home moms, or assistants in offices. Our roots are showing (our ends need a trim too to be honest), toe nails need a pedicure, our clothes don't fit just right anymore (because we are too tired to go to the gym).

Most would say her husband didn't have a reason to cheat, but he was missing something. And it wasn't something Lysa could give him. He thought another woman could give him what he was missing. But she cannot and eventually he will realize that. That longing, that something that is missing - only Jesus can fill that need.

Proverbs 5 is a warning against adultery. Let's look at verses 15-20:

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

God is warning us, the decision you made in your youth - honor it. If you married young, fight for your marriage years down the road. Keep the fires burning. The spouse of your youth, the one who was with you in the hard times, when you were dirt poor, had nothing, but that person stood by you - stand by them. Do not upgrade or trade up - which the world will tell you is fitting. Reject that teaching. Stay married, woo your spouse, fight for them.

At work we talked about Mrs. TerKeurst's situation. Several of us read the comments left by others in response to her sharing. Our world is breaking. People are devastated. Post after post, women were pouring out their hearts that they knew what she was going through. That they understand, they are in her shoes.

I read a commentary that summed the situation up nicely (for lack of any other word):

"Not ONE of us is immune to Satan’s plans for our marriage."

What Lysa TerKeurst’s Divorce Tells Us About Our Own Marriages

Marriage was the first institution created by God.
Before the church, the feasts, the celebrations in the tabernacle, God created Marriage. Marriage is important to God - it should be important to you and me.

Genesis 2: 18-25

"Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”  Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

God made man, and did not want him to be alone, that it wasn't good for him to be alone, so he made woman for him. To help him. We are designed to be coupled, to become one flesh, to serve the Lord together. And Satan is doing everything he can to destroy the institution of family. Satan thought he should be God, so he is about to destroy God. You and I know that in the end Satan loses, but until then he has a freedom to cause chaos. His (Satan) chaos should cause us to move toward the Father, to draw closer to God, to strive to live as Christ lived.

And right now - we need to fight for our marriages. If your friendships are not building up your marriage, get rid of the friendships. If your parents do not support/believe/encourage your spouse, spend less time with your parents. Show your children that your spouse comes before them - as God intended. Love your spouse, dance with them in the kitchen, kiss them before bed. If you are having troubles, seek help - counseling, see your pastor, do not go it alone. The world today is designed to alienate us from those around us - don't let it happen. Build up a community around you that is pro-marriage, pro-family. We must fight for our marriages. But know this - if you take on this challenge, you will meet obstacles.

Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

My husband and I have resolved together that divorce is not an option for us. It is the legacy of my heritage, and I want my children and the generations after them to have a better foundation. But taking this stand, by resolving that we will not divorce - we have set ourselves up for attacks, struggles, and issues. And we have had them - financially being the #1 issue - which is one of the top reasons couples divorce. We want to be different, sanctified, set apart. To keep our marriage together, to not let it fall victim to the schemes of the enemy, we have had to work and invest in our marriage. We have attended seminars, we go on dates just the two of us, we spend time with other couples who share our values, we talk and assess how our marriage is doing. Daily we tell each other we love each other, we are affectionate as often as possible (1 Corinthians 7:5 - Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.), we surprise the other with tokens of appreciation. We tend to our marriage as you tend to a plant - it can only produce fruit if it is properly cared for.

I will end this with the marriage chapter of 1 Corinthians (Chapter 7: 1-16):

Principles for Marriage

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

MARRIAGE: Our 6th Anniversary & Ruth Chapter 4

This morning in church, Pastor Jon finished up a series out of the Book of Ruth, with a sermon titled "All's Well That Ends Well".

I love the Book of Ruth. It is proof that there can be good mother/daughter-in-law relationships. 

But even more so, it is picture of Christs love the church. Boaz represents Jesus - both from Bethlehem, both men of integrity, wealthy, and redeemers. Ruth is you and me. Our history is undesirable (Moab: Psalm 60:8(ESV) "Moab is my washbasin; upon Edom I cast my shoe; over Philistia I shout in triumph.”), and like Ruth we needed saving, we were lost, and ultimately redeemed.

Pastor Jon has been going over life applications from each chapter of Ruth. And today he diescussed the wedding chapter of Ruth. But before the wedding could happen, Boaz had to go before a closer kinsman redeemer, and give him an opportunity to take on the role. In the end, Boaz became the redeemer, married Ruth who in turn became the Great Grandmother to King David - and apart of the ancestry of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

The application for the sermon today was this: to have a "happy ending" two things need to happen:

1. God has to do something.
2. I have to do something.

In every circumstance we can be reassured of two things when it comes to God, He is always watching, and He is working:

• in me (strengthening me, working on my heart)
•  1 Peter 1:6-7 (ESV)
• In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

• developing my character
• for me
• thru me
• 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (ESV) God of All Comfort
  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

When it comes to my part, I am called to:

• give God plenty of time 

• Ecclesiastes 3:11(ESV) He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

• make a personal commitment to Jesus

• Ruth 1:16 (ESV) But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.

• make a public confession of faith

Nine individuals obeyed that last edict this morning during the second service. It was so lovely to see people make professions of faith. It felt fitting that Jon preached about the marriage of Ruth and Boaz on the 6th anniversary of him officiating the marriage of Brock and I.

June 4, 2010

The day I married a wonderful man. Who yesterday sent me away for some alone time. And upon my return, my house was quiet. He had arranged for my parents to keep the kids over night. Him and I went to dinner and enjoyed an evening - just the two of us. Talking and strengthening our marriage. I am a blessed woman.

Lifestyle & Marriage: The Art & Act of Submission

Submission.

I am pretty sure the hairs on the back of your neck went up  - even just a bit. The word has a negative connotation to it, but as a Christian, more so a Christian woman, the word should bring peace.

I had the pleasure this weekend to lead my Connection Group (read Sunday School Class) while our leader and several members were away on a retreat. Our leader worked it out to where at the same time (ish) we would watch the same video and have a discussion at the same time. The video is part of a series by Priscilla Shirer (her site), and the lesson we watched (even with being miles apart) was on control. Priscilla shares how she signed her and husband up for dance lessons to commemorate an anniversary. The instructor focused mainly on her husband, and how he needed to lead, and what he needed to do and know to lead. For Priscilla, she was told to follow.

In true woman fashion (we are all guilty!), she did not follow. In fact, she took control and told him when/how/where to guide her. And in the end she was exhausted. And the instructor told her, that without a doubt she was exhausted because she took on a role she was not meant to take.

Sister, are you exhausted? Are you tired? Are you taking on responsibilities that your husband wants to do, but can't because you "know better how to do it"? If someone asked your husband who wears the pants in the family and his response is, "Let me ask my wife"- then sister, you have taken on a role you were not meant to take.

Leading my classmates was an amazing experience for me. I feel we got to know each other better, and with the variety of backgrounds, and chapters in life, we saw how submission and control plays out in different lives and different stages of life. But even with our differences we all recognized that we do have a hard time letting our husbands (or God) take control. We discussed why...there are past hurts (some that went deep), some pride, even our work or education experience makes us feel we are the better authority on certain subjects topics. We had a truly great conversation.

The key Bible passage was this:

1 Corinthians 11 (ESV)

1 Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Sisters, God has told us that we are to submit. We further discussed this word in class on Sunday. Our modern culture tells us that to submit is to lose our identity, to give up who we are, to be put under a man's thumb. Well this is right and wrong all at the same time. Sisters, when we became Christians, when we gave our lives over to Christ, we submitted ourselves and our wills to HIS way and will. But for some reason, the spiritual submission is easier than the literal one in life to our husband. Now for those of you who are not married I say this - You still are to respect and submit yourself to a higher authority: your boss, teacher, or parents. For married sisters - your authority is your husband, and if you work you do need to respect your boss's authority, but not go against your husband's will.

One thing discussed was honoring our husband's authority but not honoring his sin. If your husband asks you to take part of something that God defines as sin, do not do it. Honor God above all, He is our first love, and head over all. Pray for your husband that he will submit his life back under the authority of Christ, who has submitted himself under the full authority of God.

God really put this principle (submission) on my heart this past week. I found an article that spoke to me about this very topic:

To the Friend Who Rolled Her Eyes When I Asked My Husband’s Permission.

Please read it, but here are the points the author makes:

1. Asking permission is a sign of RESPECT.
2. Asking permission ensures LESS CONFLICT.
3. Husband and Wife feel EMPOWERED.
4. It enables better decision making as a couple.
5. It keeps you engaged in each other's lives.

And this all ties into authority. You see, I ask my husband for his permission (and he mine) when we want to do something that is not our routine. With two little children, our life is scheduled - there is less chaos, we know what to expect, and emotions don't get in the way. I show my husband respect when I ask to do something out of the routine. And if he says no, I accept it. I try to do so joyfully, that doesn't always happen, but that is on me, not him. You see, I know the consequences (negative) of insisting on getting my way. I insisted on us buying the house we live in - he was not in love with it. And for a while it was a splinter in our marriage that would not budge. We eventually worked it out, and yes we still live in the house, but we make every decision about it together now. And we both have the philosophy for major decisions that impact our lives, that if we are both not 100% agreement we don't move forward. Now you may ask, what negative consequences have we faced? Numerous repairs that should have been caught by the inspector, hard to work with HOA, other bills popped up that left us strapped. In hindsight I believe God had a better house for us, with more updates, needing less work, and a better mortgage payment. But because I insisted on getting this house, we missed out and got what we got. I could say in my defense I was pregnant and ready to be done with the home buying process, but our God is a good Father, and remember this:

Matthew 7:11 (ESV)
11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

So what does submission look like in the life of a Christian woman?

• It is a wife thanking her husband for cleaning the house, doing the laundry, making dinner - instead of telling him he used the wrong products, folded the towels wrong, or didn't follow the meal plan.
• It is acknowledging he is parenting the children, not babysitting them.
• With this, letting him parent his way, even if your way is "better".
• It is not making disparaging comments about your husband. REMEMBER - you chose to marry him, you weren't forced to the altar (at least not in America). He was YOUR choice.
• It is seeking ways to satisfy his needs - physical, mental, spiritual, and even sexual.
• physical - let him be a man, wild at heart
• mental - encourage him to think, brainstorm, create
• spiritual - pray for him, encourage him to build his relationship with Christ
• sexual - honey, have sex
• 1 Corinthians 7:5 (ESV)5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
• And remember, that ultimately there has to be a head of the household, and God has ordained the husband to be the head - and his final decision must be final. Not that you as woman cannot have an opinion, but it his responsibility to lead the family, and you must submit to that as the Bible states.

To any men reading this post I have this note. The Bible has its verses on the woman submitting to the man, and most have the word "likewise" after indicating that the man is to do the same, and some cases even more than what the woman is called to do. A man's responsibility is greater than the woman's.