Thy Will Be Done....

A sweet new friend (I have known her less than a year) has impacted my spiritual life in a way like not many individuals have. Before her and her family moved away for two years, she introduced me to the song, Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott.

Take time, google it, and listen. And if you do not cry, listen again.

My second ultrasound showed life. I got to look at my husband and tell him we have a baby. An explanation cannot be found for the discrepancy in the due date, so instead of being 11w4d today I am only 7w4d. We have rejoiced together with family that the baby was viewable, just a tiny little seed. But the pull of the heart was there, flickering away.

We left the appointment with the plan for me to return in 4 weeks, and now having 1 month longer to
figure out a plan for our new normal.

Yesterday morning I started bleeding.

I am not mad at God. I do not know what to believe. Again, every question looks like those who are in the medical field believe a miscarriage could happen. I stayed home on bed rest yesterday. And almost 36 hours later I am still bleeding. The nurse today said it should resolve by tomorrow - if not call back.

I have been told so many times in the past 3 weeks that "such and such" is "common".

I am tired of hearing that. Because, no, to me, it is not common. I have two healthy children who are sleeping in their beds. I never thought I was going to lose them, I never mourned over dreams shattered when my doctor prepared me to be the statistic of 1 in 4 women who miscarries, and I never bled with them. I threw up, I was nauseous, but I never thought that the dreams I started to build in my mind would never come true.

I am trying to take it easy. After talking with two different doctors and two different nurses, I am not in charge of this. Either this child in my womb will fight (and Lord I am praying for that!) and survive, or the fight will be too much and God will gain another baby.

The nurse this afternoon said my cervix is sensitive, to rest, and call asap if anything changes other than stopping of the blood.

So again, my husband and I are on a rollercoaster. Elated to devastated, to excited, now questioning.

I have talked with family, and friends, and I am trying to make sense of this. I am not mad at God - I am at a point in my walk where I understand that God's ways are not our ways, and we will not understand all that God does or allows. Someone said that maybe we are going through this to be a witness as how Christian's respond to trials.

My heart softens at that. That my pain could bring someone to God, that this is happening so one less person is saved from an eternity separate from God. I want this child, but if this is God's plan, who am I to stand in His way. As I have said recently, my life is not my own. I am here to serve Him.

Please pray for us, that we will endure whatever is to come, that we will have grace and faith that surpasses understanding.

Reflections going into the holiday's

Hello Sister Wife's,

I hope this post finds you doing well post Thanksgiving. The past few months have been a whirl wind and I am happy to say my Shuman's and I have begun to set into a routine finally.

I absolutely love my new job and responsibilities at the private school. God always knows what He is doing and He placed me in the right place. I was heading toward burn out, through no fault but my own. My personality and my last position could only couple for so long. The kids are still in the preschool and learning so much. Little man, his vocabulary is blossoming every day, or as much as it can for a 2 year old. Little miss is so bright and sassy, she has her best friend and her favorite teachers. Drop off has gradually gotten easier with time - I must confess, that has been the hardest thing for me. Not being with them all day. I now know what most parent's who utilize childcare have experienced.

But at the same time I have discovered a better sense of my self. Eventually both kids will join me at the Academy. But they rarely, if ever will see me, so I will still have anonymity while being with them. The morning commute to work and the afternoon commute to get them are cherished moments I have needed. In the afternoon's I have discovered a pastor out of Beaumont who preaches the word, teaches so Hebrew grammar and always has a message that hits the heart. Hearing that after a successful day at work is a great refresher before an evening at home with my littles.

Along with the change in career, my spiritual life has been transformed. At the beginning of August or so of this year our pastor challenged people to join what the pastoral staff called, The Joshua Team. It stems from Exodus 33:11

¹¹ So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. And he would return to the camp, but his servant Joshua the son of Nun, a young man, did not depart from the tabernacle.

Our Pastor challenged those who wanted to join to commit to 30 minutes of prayer a day, with daily Bible Reading. It was a 40 day initiative. To start, there were 8 verses one was to read though to focus the mind. One was to read a Proverb (the date of the month) and a Psalm (day number of the initiative) and to work through 1 John (would read through it 8 times during the 40 days). The hope was that after the individual would have developed a lifelong habit. Our Pastor mentioned it through September and encouraged people to develop a plan for after and to come up with life verses to commit to memory. About 2 weeks in, over 500 people had signed up to participate.

Today was day 104 for me. I began my 40 days on my first day of my new job. I read Revelation twice after the first 40 days, which took me through day 84, and now I am 20 days into my 3rd 40 day set. I am working my way through the Gospel (will get me through most of the Spring semester). I have developed my 8 life verses I read every day.

And on top of that, starting in October I added scripture writing - which is amazing. So I read my 8 life verses, read my Proverb, Psalm and currently Gospel chapter (I am in Matthew), and then I work on writing scriptures. It being November, I found a thanksgiving writing plan. I will settle on my December one by Tuesday of this next week. It allows me to read a portion of verses (usually around 5), write them and think on them. The act of writing the verses makes them more real to me, I have to pay attention to the words.

On top of all this I am reading for pleasure. And trying to write more. I do want to be published by 33 and have several book ideas in my head, with one started on paper.

During this time....an election occurred. To say it was interesting would be an understatement. I have never been more excited for an election to be complete. It will be interesting to see how 2016 is recorded in the history books 30, 50, 75 years from now. So much hostility, friction, division, and animosity. People are still hurting, and probably will be for some time. There is denial and resentment, and smugness even from some. My thoughts on the whole thing are this:

• We as a country are divided. And we have done it to ourselves.
• We have put our hope in our politicians and elected leaders.
• We have stayed silent and sat back because it was easier.
• We have what we have because we deserve it.

Those are some hard truths to swallow. But we have given up our liberties for the illusion of security. And therefore we really have neither.

As a believer, this is what I hold true:

• This world is not my home.
• No man on earth can save me.
• My hope must rest in Jesus and His kingdom to come.
• As a believer, my life is to show fruits, and my actions show and grow those fruits.

Sister's (and any Brother's reading) we have to stop sitting back. We need to be harvesters in the field. We need to work. The Christian life is not meant to be a cushy position. It takes work, it takes sweat, it takes loss, and sacrifice. We are to be an example of Christ in this broken world. He came to serve not be served. Therefore, how are you serving? How are you helping? Give your time and talents. If you are tired of believers in the faith being persecuted stand up. If you are tired of being dismissed by the media, put your voice out there. If you are not being heard, it is because you are being silent. It might cost you, more than likely it will, but it is better to pay the price then be denied by Christ before the Father.

As we go into the holidays, with Christmas, New Year, and colder weather, lets focus on brotherly love. Let us help each other. Look for ways to lend a hand, give some cookies, or donate a blanket. Most churches have programs going, as do food banks and homeless shelters. We can all do something. And if you have little one's at home, take them with you. It will be hard, but they learn to live the Christian life by seeing you live it out.

We gathered with Thanksgiving in our hearts.