Falling Apart or Falling into Place?

What a year 2020 has been.

Fires, locus, plagues, lockdowns, civil unrest, in the USA it's an election year and now their is a spot to be filled with the SCOTUS with the death of RBG. I saw the following meme yesterday and had to laugh, because, well in 2020 we all need to laugh more.

I keep trying to figure out what this all means, reading scriptures, listening to sermons. I'm not saying I have the answer, but I am saying I believe the return of Jesus Christ to call the church home is imminent. I have come to love that word, imminent. Pastor Farag does too, and he says when he hears the word imminent he thinks "any minute." Oh I believe he is right. The return is imminent, the return is any minute!

Maranatha!!

Right now it feels like we are living on the cusp. But of what? I feel that there is a fork in the road for all of humanity:

1. One direction is the LORD's return, the rapture of the church, and then the Wrath of God poured out on the nations to get the attention of the Jewish people that their Messiah came 2000(ish) years ago.
2. The second, a spiritual revival in the world. The rapture and tribulation are held off, because, "if My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. -2 Chronicles 7:14 NASB

That is where I see us at. And honestly, I am not sure #2 is truly viable anymore. With all the prophetic events concerning Israel that have occurred, Article: Israel and Prophecy, I strongly believe option 1 is where we are at. "But God..."

• Genesis 8:1 - But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.
• Genesis 31:42 - If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty-handed. But God has seen my hardship and the toil of my hands, and last night he rebuked you.
• Genesis 31:7 - Yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. But God did not permit him to harm me.
• Genesis 50:20 - You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives... (This is a new favorite verse of mine).

As I have stated before (here, here, and here), I see humanity as it was in the days of Noah. Noah. Such an example for us. Do you know, that prior to the Flood, it had never rained on earth? Everyone thought him crazy because what he was talking about was something none of them had ever heard/experienced. But he believed God was going to do what He said He was going to do, so he built an ark, and gathered two of every kind of animal, and prepared his family.

I believe God is allowing all that has happened in 2020 (fires, locust, plagues, unrest, etc.) because it is setting the stage for the Time of Jacob's Trouble. While we see life falling apart, I believe God is allowing all the events, people, and ideas to fall into place for the Tribulation. And this is what I want to focus on with this post. If you are a Christian, take comfort in the fact that everything that is happening is indicative of the end times, meaning we are so close to the Rapture. 

Call me different, strange, odd...I have been labeled all three and more for how I view humanity and scripture. Having studied the Book of Joel, I have learned that we are to take current world events, and lay the scriptures over them, and if we do, we will see God's hand at work. That is what Joel the prophet did. He read the scriptures, looked at the world around Him and saw God at work and did what God called him to do.

Anyhoo, I do spend time thinking of what will happen at the Rapture, and what the world will be like during the Tribulation. I play the scenarios through my head, and basically merge the movies from Hollywood, and you get what will happen. I came across this video (link) a few days ago, and this jives with what I imagine will happen at the point of the Rapture. Think about our world. 1/2 slumbers while 1/2 is awake, theoretically. In this modern life, it seems like life never sleeps.

• a person(saved) is in surgery, doctor (unsaved) is operating - BLINK - there is no one to operate on
• a plane is flying across the Atlantic/across the country - pilot and 1/4 of the passengers are believers - BLINK - plane take a nose dive, people are freaking out because people are missing, plane is falling - major disaster ensues -if over water, people drown if unable to get out, or stuck in life rafts waiting for rescue unaware that the world is in chaos, and who knows when they will be rescued. If over land, mass destruction, fire, great harm to person and property.
• mom(unsaved) is going about life (at the park pushing a stroller, driving in a car, sitting in the rocking chair) with her newborn - BLINK - baby is gone - mom goes crazy trying to understand where here precious baby has gone, literally right out of her arms.
• woman(unsaved) is 9 months pregnant, in delivery, pushing, doctor and nurse are directing her (both saved) - BLINK - she is alone, stomach flat - No baby. No doctor. No nurse.
• an assistant pastor is at his desk meeting with the head pastor of his church - talking how he questions if he is saved, he isn't sure - BLINK - the pastor, and ministry assistants are gone. The assistant pastor knows what happened, that he was a fraud for years, and he knows what is about to occur.

Folks, the 7 year tribulation is going to horrible. The literal WRATH of God is poured out on the earth. But the seconds, minutes, moments immediately following the Rapture - there is going to be so much anguish, heartache, regret, remorse, pain, chaos, and destruction.

I think of what is currently going on in our country. Elections are looming. Seats are up for grabs. The President is up for re-election, and now President Trump has selected his nominee to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG). His suggested replacement is Amy Coney Barrett. From my stand point, she seems amazing, a champion for life, a defender of faith and family. But those are Christian positives, and many on the extreme left reject all those qualities. So now we get to see the circus show of her confirmation - I pray that it is nothing like Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's hearings. I agree with many political pundits, we cannot have an eight seat court with this election. There must be 9 Justices on the bench before the election on November 3.

But God...He is in control, and if there is not, well while that looks like America falling apart even more, maybe its the set up of something bigger falling into place.

Let's talk about the children. I work in education, at the private school level.

We are in week 8 of our school year, the end of the first quarter is next week. We have taken precautions, there is extra cleaning, plenty of hand sanitizer, people are masked up, and so far, we are doing good. Our school nurses are working double time it seems, evaluating students, making calls to homes. This school year has been unlike any other. I have had conversations with individuals who have worked in education 26 years, 35 years, and they all say the same thing - they have never experienced anything like this. 

Thankfully, only 13% of our students are doing distance/virtual learning. We started out with closer to 20%, and for a small school, that is huge. We are so grateful that we are able to be open, our students can be at school to learn, and while things are different, there is a comfort in the sense of normalcy of coming to school Monday through Friday. But not every student is having this opportunity. Every state, city, county is doing things differently. Many school districts, especially public, are doing only virtual learning. The date to return to in-person is looming for many, but the vibe many public school teachers feel is that their districts are going to push for longer time at home with the virtual learning. 

This is a major disservice to our students. There are school districts that are fighting back and recalling all students back to campus link. So many students are failing, or the ability to do their work at home is restricted (lack of internet, family/home distractions, not enough tech devices). But then I think of Louisiana. Six weeks ago Hurricane Laura struck and brought complete devastation to the state. There is still no power or internet in many parishes. link And in the next 24 hours, Hurricane Delta (yes we went from the standard alphabet to the Greek alphabet in naming our hurricanes) is going to make landfall on a very similar tract as Laura did. We have gotten calls (south of the city of Houston) from families in Louisiana inquiring if we have spots available. Many are saying their students have been out of school since March, never started this school year, and now with the devastation and lack of internet, they have no clue when their kids will be back in school for an education.

Like I said, every state, city, county, district is doing things differently. But the end result is this - kids are suffering. Their education especially, and mental health even (but that is a topic for another conversation on another day). Now let's look at this through the lens of the Rapture and the Tribulation. Saved children and children who have yet to reach the age of accountability will be caught up in the Rapture. So when the Church is called home, for the most part, there will be no children on earth. Maybe pre-teens and for sure teens, and anyone who has the mental mindset to know what sin is will be left. But babies, toddlers, young children - they will be in Glory with all the saints who realized they were sinners in need of a Savior, and that Jesus is that person. This is going to effect two industries in particular, in two different ways, but essentially put both out of business, for a while at least:

• the abortion industry
• early childhood education

I firmly believe that pregnant women, if not saved at the time of the Rapture, will have empty wombs in that twinkling of an eye. And in the chaos that will follow, it is going to be some time before couples get "busy" and pregnancies' happen again. But eventually they will - but in the tween time, Planned Parenthood will be shut down. What a ironical tragedy that it will take the complete removal of children to accomplish this. But know this, they will return during the Tribulation, and will probably go right back to their barbaric practices.

Any unsaved teachers in daycares, preschools, and early child grades will find themselves without employment following the Rapture. All services will be in chaos, but without students they will have no one to teach. Those in early childhood education, who are left behind, will probably never go back to their profession. School districts that are sticking to virtual learning are realizing they need less people, and I think this is giving many public schools (which are leftist indoctrination centers) a trial run for the Tribulation. Not that they know this is what they are getting. Secondary school teachers (JH and HS and collegiate) those will have students to teach. But with the chaos of millions of missing people, the destruction from falling planes, unnamed trains and cars, etc - it will be a while before class time is thought about. But the Anti-Christ is to strengthen a "peace" treaty that will already be known, as the Tribulation does not start the minute the Rapture has happened. There will be a break, but how long is not known. So a sense of "normal" will be brought about, and I can assume schooling will continue - but what it will look like, well I think education in a COVID-19 era gives us an idea. Kids are going to be glued to technology to learn, and with the Church gone, the most extreme curriculums will be used. (some examples link, link, link). But folks, this won't even last all that long - once the seals, trumpets and bowls are poured out, people will be focused on survival. 

I want you to consider John 3:18 (NASB), "18 He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God."

 My boss broke this scripture down in our monthly staff meeting and helped us to realize that in this world there truly are 2 types of people - and its not based on gender, sex, race, nationality or any other description you can think of. God qualifies people in these 2 categories only - those who believe, and those who do not.

Believe what you ask? 

Read the last part of verse 18 again, "in the name of the only begotten Son of God" - JESUS! 

And folks, once the Tribulation starts, it will still be those two categories. People will come to faith in Jesus during the Tribulation, but it is going to be hard, in fact it could be even deadly for someone to accept Jesus. Believers in the Tribulation period will be hunted, persecuted, beheaded even. Many will have to go into hiding to try and survive. Many will survive until the Second Coming of our LORD Jesus Christ and they will go into the Millennial Kingdom. But many will die:

Revelation 6:9 NASB

The Fifth Seal—Martyrs

9 When the Lamb broke the fifth seal, I saw underneath the altar the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God, and because of the testimony which they had maintained;

Revelation 14:13 NASB

13 And I heard a voice from heaven, saying, “Write, ‘Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on!’” “Yes,” says the Spirit, “so that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow with them.”

Revelation 20:4 NASB

4 Then I saw thrones, and they sat on them, and judgment was given to them. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of [a]their testimony of Jesus and because of the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or his image, and had not received the mark on their forehead and on their hand; and they came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years.

And then their will be the unbelievers:

Revelation 6:12-17 NASB

The Sixth Seal—Terror

12 I looked when He broke the sixth seal, and there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth made of hair, and the whole moon became like blood; 13 and the stars of the sky fell to the earth, as a fig tree casts its unripe figs when shaken by a great wind. 14 The sky was split apart like a scroll when it is rolled up, and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. 15 Then the kings of the earth and the great men and the commanders and the rich and the strong and every slave and free man hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains; 16 and they *said to the mountains and to the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the presence of Him who sits on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb; 17 for the great day of their wrath has come, and who is able to stand?”

Revelation 19:17-18 NASB

17 Then I saw an angel standing in the sun, and he cried out with a loud voice, saying to all the birds which fly in midheaven, “Come, assemble for the great supper of God, 18 so that you may eat the flesh of kings and the flesh of commanders and the flesh of mighty men and the flesh of horses and of those who sit on them and the flesh of all men, both free men and slaves, and small and great.”

Revelation 21:8 NASB

8 But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

That is a lot to process. So though it looks like everything is falling apart right now, maybe consider that everything is falling into place, in God's perfect timing, and in His perfect plan. 

Life

When you are told at age 14 that the likelihood of you having a child of your own would more than likely be impossible, and somehow you manage to give birth to three beautiful children, you thank the LORD - daily! I believe my children are a gift from God. I love them, I discipline them, I cherish them.

Psalm 127:3  (NASB)

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

I have been blessed with three beautiful children. 

Abigail is my mini-me, my mother hen, my helper, my sister. This past December she accepted Jesus as her LORD and Savior and was baptized 6 years to the day of her dedication. 

My middle child, Stone, is my nugget (his self appointed nickname). He is my cuddler, my stubborn one, my momma's boy. He is a go-getter, full of energy and has the world's mots amazing imagination. 

My newest, my 4 month old, is Ari. He is the happiest baby on earth. He smiles so big, he laughs, and is such an easy baby. He is our baby we did not know that we needed, and our life is now complete with him in it.

My husband and I have had our children in church almost from the first Sunday they were able to attend after their birth. Regular church attendance is the routine of our life, Sunday's and Wednesday's. Not only that, but we have made the sacrifice to put our children in a Christian school where they are taught the Bible everyday, and attend chapel once a week. Now our youngest is in a daycare, but Christian principals are apart of the curriculum there, so he too is being poured into. We want our children growing up on the foundation of Christ's word. It is the only way to endure through this fallen and broken world. 

Proverbs 22:6  (NASB) 

Train up a child in the way he should go,

Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Dec. 16, 2018 - Baby dedication of Ari Matthew Shuman

Children are a gift and a responsibility, God's word tells us that. Brock and I take both concepts seriously. We know that everyone parents differently, and sees to life in their own ways. But thankfully the friends in our lives all hold true to the same core concepts of faith and life. So we are surrounded by people who are like minded. 

I share all this because heavy on my heart is the legislation that was passed in New York a few weeks back. The most horrific anti-life bill was passed, allowing abortion up to the moment of birth. And since then, the true depravity of many of our nations leaders has come to light. Some legislators want to give a mother the option to murder their child after the child has been born.

My little loves on
Valentine's Day 2019

Folks, our country, our world is in trouble. Women want the right to kill their own children at any point. Or at least that is what the legislators have said. My heart shakes at the idea that there are women out there who truly want this. But....the legislators are men and women, fathers and mothers, grandparents...The condition of their hearts....it is so heartbreaking. And I know that there really are women who want this "right." Every year, on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade women march for the right to kill their unborn child. The depravity of that shakes me to the core. 

Luckily, women and men are standing up for life. There is always a counter march that is pro-life. And the numbers for this grow each year. There is hope, but we believers must get on our knees and pray. That is what keeps coming to mind when the news comes out with more laws being proposed to kill babies, or stories about planned parenthood and their horrible practices. 

PRAY

We must pray. Men and women. Life is not a woman issue, it is a human issue. Men need to stand up and speak up - it's their children too that are being murdered. I remember the night I heard about what New York had done. I held my baby boy and just looked at him, and I held him a bit longer before I placed him to sleep in his crib.

I remember giving birth to all three of my children, and to think people want to make it okay to murder a baby up until (and possibly after) birth. The first time I held all my children is a moment I cherish. That feeling, the adrenaline, the rush! Oh the emotions that rush over you. Just typing that up, I can recall the surge of love and emotions.

There needs to be a change. The fact of the matter is, America is going to be called to judgement for the number of innocent lives we have allowed to be slaughtered in the name of "progress" and "women's rights." The land of our country is stained by the blood of the millions of babies who have been murdered in the womb. Blood must be atoned for by blood.

Psalm 106:38 (NASB)

And shed innocent blood,

The blood of their sons and their daughters,

Whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan;

And the land was polluted with the blood.

God takes serious the shedding of innocent blood, His word is filled with references:

•  Deuteronomy 19:10 So innocent blood will not be shed in the midst of your land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance, and bloodguiltiness be on you.
• Deuteronomy 19:13 You shall not pity him, but you shall purge the blood of the innocent from Israel, that it may go well with you.
• Deuteronomy 21:8 Forgive Your people Israel whom You have redeemed, O Lord, and do not place the guilt of innocent blood in the midst of Your people Israel.’ And the bloodguiltiness shall be forgiven them.
• Deuteronomy 21:9 So you shall remove the guilt of innocent blood from your midst, when you do what is right in the eyes of the Lord.
• 1 Samuel 19:5 For he took his life in his hand and struck the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great deliverance for all Israel; you saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by putting David to death without a cause?”
• 2 Samuel 3:28 Afterward when David heard it, he said, “I and my kingdom are innocent before the Lord forever of the blood of Abner the son of Ner.
• 2 Kings 21:16 Moreover, Manasseh shed very much innocent blood until he had filled Jerusalem from one end to another; besides his sin with which he made Judah sin, in doing evil in the sight of the Lord.
• 2 Kings 24:4 and also for the innocent blood which he shed, for he filled Jerusalem with innocent blood; and the Lord would not forgive.
• Proverbs 1:11 If they say, “Come with us, Let us lie in wait for blood, Let us ambush the innocent without cause;
• Proverbs 6:17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood,
• Isaiah 59:7 Their feet run to evil, And they hasten to shed innocent blood; Their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity, Devastation and destruction are in their highways.
• Jeremiah 7:6 if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place, nor walk after other gods to your own ruin,
• Jeremiah 19:4 Because they have forsaken Me and have made this an alien place and have burned sacrifices in it to other gods, that neither they nor their forefathers nor the kings of Judah had ever known, and because they have filled this place with the blood of the innocent
• Jeremiah 22:3 Thus says the Lord, “Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor. Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place.
• Jeremiah 22:17 “But your eyes and your heart Are intent only upon your own dishonest gain, And on shedding innocent blood And on practicing oppression and extortion.”
• Jeremiah 26:15 Only know for certain that if you put me to death, you will bring innocent blood on yourselves, and on this city and on its inhabitants; for truly the Lord has sent me to you to speak all these words in your hearing.”
• Joel 3:19 Egypt will become a waste, And Edom will become a desolate wilderness, Because of the violence done to the sons of Judah, In whose land they have shed innocent blood.
• Jonah 1:14 Then they called on the Lord and said, “We earnestly pray, O Lord, do not let us perish on account of this man’s life and do not put innocent blood on us; for You, O Lord, have done as You have pleased.”
• Matthew 27:4 saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” But they said, “What is that to us? See to that yourself!”
• Matthew 27:24 When Pilate saw that he was accomplishing nothing, but rather that a riot was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this Man’s blood; see to that yourselves.”

Shedding innocent blood is a sin, it separates us from the blessings and full life God has for us. Can God forgive us, as a nation, for the millions of babies who have died? Yes. We as a nation though must turn the laws around, make it a crime again in this country to kill a baby. Then and only then can we start to see God's forgiveness.

Relating to Pregnancy

For those who know me personally (or have read this blog for at least the past year), you know that I have been pregnant.

Just yesterday I came home from the hospital, now a mother of 3 (1 daughter, 2 sons). Overall I enjoy motherhood, I love watching my children grow, learn, discover. Discipline is not fun, but it is vital, and luckily at this stage  almost 6, 4, nb) discipline means no tv, or no special toys.

Pregnancy on the other hand - it is hard, even brutal at times (and I am not talking about labor just yet). Each of my four pregnancies were different (1 miscarriage last year). Very little was similar from one to another. Weight gain was different, nausea/vomiting happened in all, but to very varied degrees, leg cramps, hip/back aches...oye! But no matter what, a pregnancy that goes to term will have the end result of labor, and of course, a baby.

The labor part has been on my mind lately, obviously due to the fact that I was going to go through the experience. But I was not just thinking about the personal physical aspect of labor. I have been in awe on how God uses the labor/birth process in scripture to convey the end times, how the world will labor before the Rapture and Tribulation.

Matthew 24:8 - "But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

Mark 13:8 - "For nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; there will be earthquakes in various places; there will also be famines. These things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

1 Thessalonians 5:3- While they are saying, "Peace and safety!" then destruction will come upon them suddenly like labor pains upon a woman with child, and they will not escape.

Revelation 12:2 - and she was with child; and she cried out, being in labor and in pain to give birth.

I feel now, that women of faith, female followers of Christ, who have birthed can relate to this portion of God's word unlike anyone else. It doesn't matter if you had a vaginal or c-section birth. In the weeks leading up to the baby arriving, a woman's body aches, it hurts, it practices the real ordeal. All of those are the beginning of birth pangs. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I have been miserable. Unable to sleep, always uncomfortable, lacking focus, constantly wondering if this was the real ordeal, nauseated and even vomiting. Not a pretty pregnancy glow to be seen (not sure if I ever had one).

And here's the other thing, why God is absolutely brilliant with His details, there are still pains after the baby is born. The woman's body has to return to it's pre-pregnancy state, go back to "normal." And it takes time. The body doesn't spring back right away (yes we all know that one woman  - she is a unicorn). I am 3 days out from giving birth, and having my easiest experience by far and I look 3 to 4 month pregnant, waiting for my milk to fully come in, things are still swollen, and at most getting 3 1/2 hours of sleep at a time.

The Rapture is when God calls the Church home, and from my studies in Revelation 12, we (the Church) are what the woman gives birth to. And after the Church is birthed to heaven, in a manner of time judgement comes upon the earth. Some of the judgement are focused on the remaining humanity, but a good deal of the judgement falls on the earth itself. Those of who die or are caught up, the world we return to when Jesus has his 2nd coming, will not be the world we left behind. It is going to be drastically changed, through painful means. And just like a woman who has given birth, whose body will never bee 100% back to what it was, I believe we will recognize the world we return to, it will be familiar, but for sure, it will not be the same. And that there is another beauty of a relationship with Christ. We are never the same after we come to know Him. Come to a personal relationship with Him. The shell we have will stay the same, but become softer, we will carry with us His fragrance, the sweet aroma of salvation (to those who want pursue a relationship with Him, to others it will be a repugnant stench), but most importantly the work He will do on our hearts, on our inside will have us being a 180 of who we use to be.

I want to leave you with the song by Lauren Daigle - You Say. Remember who you are in Christ, the world is chaotic right now, there is very little left that needs to happen for the Church to be called home. Live each day faithfully unto the LORD. God bless.

FAMILY: Growth

As of today, June 27th, I am 24 1/2 weeks pregnant.Less than 16 weeks until I get to meet our gift from God. Now, I have been quiet, even absent for a while. Everything has been going well, but with my husbands training schedule, I have been parenting solo most evenings, so once the kiddos are asleep, I rest. I pretty much veg out, and deal with my braxton hicks contractions.

Life has been good for our family, immediate and extended.

Mother's Day was glorious. We gathered at my in-love's house, our little unit, my brother/sister in love and their son, and my sil's parents. Church was good that morning, and we were all ready for some time together. My sil who lives 10 hours away texted me at one point when we were all gathered, to make sure we weren't eating yet. Notified her steaks were not even yet on the grill. 

Not even 10 minutes later she starts a Facetime conversation with my mil. Nothing out of the normal with this, since they live so far away, we cannot spend every holiday together, and the wonders of technology allow us to see each other in real time. It's beautiful!

As we are all waving/saying "hi" their youngest starts shouting, "I'm going to be a BIG brother!" It took a few yells for it to register with us. So yes, the Midland crew is growing to 5, due in January. We were all happy, hugging, and just overall excited by the extra growth in the family. Our bundle was a surprise, and now we weren't going to be the only ones sleep deprived but blessed.

A little while later lunch was ready and my middle bil said he wanted to lead the prayer. Nothing abnormal, we gather in the kitchen, hold hands and he begins. He then said, "And Lord, we pray for healthy pregnancy's for J (me), L (midland), and L(his wife).....I scream, her mother screams, kids looked confused, my mother in love looks dazed, and my husband says we broke his ear drum.

We never said Amen on that prayer.

But, the conclusion is, all three of us Shuman wives are pregnant.

I am due mid October

Middle SIL is due end of November, start of December

Farthest away SIL is due start to mid January

Our clan is going from 13 to 16, 5 grandchildren to 8!

Oh, and because time has flown since Mother's Day, 2 of us know what we are having.

The original granchild crew is this:

Boy - 6 year old - Midland Crew

Girl - 5 year old - Mine

Boy - 4 year old- Midland Crew

Boy - 3 year old - Mine

Boy - 3 year old - Middle Shuman Crew

My daughter has been the only girl in the group. Let me tell you, she was determined that we were having a girl. Unfortunately the ultrasound did not reveal that, nor did the silly string on the 1st Saturday in June. When it finally dawned on her that the blue meant a brother she flat out cried for 15 minutes.

The next weekend, after church, the kids and I drove up to see the Middle Shuman Crew at my sil's parents house. They did blood work to find out sooner if their son would get a brother or a daughter. WE arrive, and the cake is cut, because none of us are patient, and while we were there for lunch, the gender was the main reason for gathering. We saw blue icing, and hey, Shuman's make boys, no real surprise. But, my brother in law had a cannon, and he didn't shoot it off right away. And then he did.

PINK!

And all of us were confused....did this mean twins, a boy and a girl....or was the cake a decoy.

My sil reassured that twins were not in her oven, but in fact a little girl was. My daughter is now happy that at least she will have a girl cousin, since my husband and I disappointed her in making her yet another brother. 

My husband and I did have a name picked out for our next little boy, and in the week between I tried teaching both kids. Stone learned the baby's name quickly, he loved/s the fact that he gets a brother. Abigail didn't seem interested in learning it. But once she found out her aunt was having a girl, she magically learned the name.

Our little boy, due in less than 4 months, will be Ari Matthew Shuman. Ari means lion. Matthew means gift from God. And that he absolutely is. Once Fall hits, our lives, all of our lives, will never be the same with these three new little blessings. A girl name has yet to be decided for my first ever niece! And the Midland Crew will not know for a few more weeks what their #3 will be.

Fifty Shades of Red

Confession: As a tween I was introduced to romance novels. I am talking about Julia Garwood, Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts and the like. Books very similar to the daytime soap operas on the standard channels. No where near appropriate for a 10-13 year old to read. I was a ferocious reader (still am to a degree) and could read 3 to 4 a week.

Now, romance novels were not the only books I read, I read Little Women, Jane Eyre, Edgar Allen Poe, and many others. So a varied assortment, but should I have read the romance novels? As an adult, looking back, the answer is absolutely no. The books I read very easily effected my perspective on romance, sex, and relationships. The books, with their fictional story lines, some highly improbable, with unrealistic outcomes changed how I viewed life. Will I allow my daughter to read such books while she is in my house? No, not at all. 

2011, the year that the first book of the Fifty Shades trilogy came out. My husband and I were married. I remember the book came out while I was in the midst of a ladies bible study group at church. The book came up after our main session while we were split into small groups. Amongst my group of varied ladies (backgrounds, education, age, stage of life) not a single one of us wanted to read the book, and in fact many of us were appalled. 

Were we being prudes? Maybe. But what had us appalled was the number of God fearing women we knew who were fanning over the book. Mothers, Bible study leaders, women we respected -  were excited about this book trilogy. A trilogy based on debased sexual perversions, that glorifies sexual/mental abuse, and highlights an ungodly/immoral relationship.

Many of us asked amongst our selves, and to the ladies who were excited about the books this question: what is the difference between the trilogy and porn? To those we asked, many thought we were being overly dramatic, that there was no connection. Porn they said was degrading to women, and nasty men watched it. They got very defensive and deflective. But there is no difference. Both porn and that trilogy degrade women, make light of the foundation God implemented for sex, and changes how the individual partaking in its message views romance/sex/life.

As with our culture, if a book goes against God, glorifies an "alternative lifestyle" and is successful monetarily, movies are made! Just recently the third movie was released and has been a roaring success according to the media news outlets. It has had a $33 million launch and is a box office success. 

What does this say about our society? That fact that these books and movies are so successful does not speak well about the moral temperature of our culture and society. 

Ladies if you have read this trilogy and seen these movies, I HOPE and PRAY that the Holy Spirit convicts you and you become Fifty Shades of RED! Be embarrassed. God created sex, He knows what is best and how it works best: within a marriage, built on the foundation of faith. God knows how love works, He created it and defined it!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails

And also remember this, God's plan for marriage:
Ephesians 5: 22-33 (Marriage Like Christ and the Church)

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.


25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Ladies, we are the moral lighthouse of our homes. We have a heavy influence on our children and their upbringing. Our children see what we do, and what we do is what they will do. Let that sink in on every level - how you dress, how you eat, how you serve, how you spend your leisure time. Women with daughters, I feel this is even more so relevant to us. Our daughters want to be us (at least my 5 year old does a this point). She wants to dress like me, do her hair like me, she asks to wear my lip stain - she wants to be my mini me. How I act in front of her, what activities I partake in, she is soaking in like a sponge. Our sons are influenced by us also, but their father will be the bigger influence in their actions and ambitions. Women usually are the glue that holds their families together, or tears it apart. 

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands

Let us all be the wise woman.

LIFE: Terror and Tribulations

I remember the first few days after my daughter Abigail was born as a peaceful time. I took time off, and her and I basically stayed home. I didn't watch t.v. I spent time with her, we mastered nursing, we figured out sleeping. If I was awake, I made small meals, and tidied the house. It was a quiet and blissful time.

And finally one morning, I decided to reconnect with the rest of humanity and I turned on the news.
The date was December 14, 2012.

And the news headline was:

Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

After an hour or so of watching the news I shut the t.v. off and held my newborn daughter tight.

There are tragedies in this world that are hard to fathom. And throughout my growing up years numerous events rocked the world with a devastation that the anniversary of the events are celebrated even today. The one's though that seemed to shake everyone to a different level of devastation were the events that brought tragedy upon children.

April 19, 1995 - Oklahoma City Bombing 

- 168 people, including 19 young children, killed

 

September 11, 2001 - American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175, were crashed into the North and South towers, of the World Trade Center complex; American Airlines Flight 77, was crashed into the Pentagon 

-  2,996 people were killed and more than 6,000 others wounded, "The dead included 8 children: 5 on American 77 ranging in age from 3 to 11, 3 on United 175 ages 2, 3, and 4. The youngest victim was a 2 year-old child on Flight 175, the oldest an 82 year-old passenger on Flight 11. In the buildings, the youngest victim was 17 and the oldest was 79."

And on that December morning, reading that, "20 children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult staff members" had been shot and killed shook me to the core. Becoming a parent changes how you are affected. And anytime, since become a parent, that I hear of a child dying, no matter the circumstance, I am saddened.

Yesterday in the UK, at a concert a bomb went off, and the death toll has climbed to 22, with children among the dead. ISIS has claimed responsibility. The performer is a young woman who has fans that are children and teenagers. That is her target demographic. So, those who planted that bomb knew that children and teenagers would be in attendance.

It disgusts me that people have so little regard for life, and even more so, less regard for the life children. My faith, my God, tells me:
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Psalm 127:3 (ESV)

And having faced the possibility of infertility, I cherish my children even more. And when I am away from them, I want to be with them. Just being in the same building with them gives me a peace; and when I hear that children have been killed, murdered for a theology that is warped and not living, my heart is hurt.

Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)

¹⁰ fear not, for I am with you;

    be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

John 16:33 (ESV)

³³ I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

I started writing this last week after the bombing in Manchester. But it has been hard to finish - children lost their lives. That is never easy to process. And then today, another bombing, at an ice cream shop.
"Baghdad blasts: Ice cream shop among attack targets, 31 killed" & "ISIS targets the young, then the old in twin Baghdad bombings"


My heart is still heavy. And while I am devastated at the loss of young life (any life) I know that in the end this all apart of His plan. That this world has to fall apart so His Kingdom may come. Hold your children tight, tell them you love them every chance you get, take a million pictures, record silly videos - print those and have those put on dvd. As bad as things are, we do know that things will get worse but we also know the ending of the story. God wins - and those of us that believe in His Son, have put our faith in His Son - we win with Him.

Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting
Oklahoma-City-Bombing
Casualties_of_the_September_11_Attacks

September_11_Attacks_Fatalities

baghdad-blasts-ice-cream-shop-among-attack-targets-31-killed.html

baghdad-ice-cream-shop-bombing/index.html

The Look of Mourning

I was not acutely aware that I had changed.

I did not want one incident, one event to become my definition:

"Oh that is Jessica, she lost a child."

I want my life to be described in a series of moments:

"Jessica, she loves her children, loves her husband, serves the Lord, works hard, writes,and lives life to the fullest." "Oh and she hates washing windows."

I have a friend whom I am talking through my emotions and thoughts with. She does not offer solutions, there aren't any. She listens. And it has done me good, to have someone I can talk at. I feel better about where I am in my processing of the situation. I feel like I am making strides in not letting this loss become definition. Her and I have met the past two Saturday's.

This past Sunday morning I had a handful of people comment on my hair, how great it looked. After a few people mentioned my hair, I thought about it. And then it came to me. Since we lost Charli, I have pretty much had my hair up: in a bun, or a clip. I have not worn it down. It has been clean, but I have not taken the hour or so it requires to blow dry and straighten out my hair. But Sunday morning, before church, I did take the time. Which is surprising even more when you consider it was time change Sunday, we had my nephew with us, and my 2 year old was at the start of potty training. I did all that was required to get us ready for church and did my hair.

Without realizing, the loss of Charli had changed my appearance. It wasn't anything major, but then again it was. Church service is two days a week, and I generally am there. Now, I do work for the school that is a ministry of my church, so I am in our church building 6 out of 7 days a week. And sometimes that 7th day too. But for people who do not work there, they only see me 1 to 2 times a week, and for over a month every time they saw me my hair which I normally wear down to church was up, so the sudden switch back to down was noticeable.

Noticeable to everyone but me.

I have looked through my phone and have not really taken any pictures of myself this year. I do have one picture of myself with my husband when we took a trip for just the two of us. My hair is up. I apparently have not felt like taking a picture here recently. Which, I mean, I get.

Life is so quick, time flies. And without realizing, you change. I had adopted a new appearance, without meaning or wanting to. But it happened. I have been more mindful this past week of my appearance, even though I have been at home with my two littles - Spring Break. I am making sure to get dressed, brush my hair, add some make up, and earrings. I am in mourning, but it does not need to take over my life. The loss will always be apart of me, but it will not be me. I am more than a moment in my life.

Hair down, make up on, earrings in.
3/16/2017

No matter, we will praise Him

My first appointment after my pregnancy test did not go as expected.

We were not able to see the baby. I will be 10 weeks along tomorrow and my doctor does not question the due date. She told me the words blighted ovum. Essentially I am pregnant but more than likely the baby is not developing properly and I will more than likely lose the pregnancy.

I had more labs today, then Thursday morning I will know for sure what is going on.

This weekend was hard. I barely made it home from my appointment, I was crying the entire time. Crying, that is too nice a word, I was sobbing. My doctor has never thrown statistics at me, or percentages. She did on Friday, she reassured me that I had done nothing wrong, this is how the body is supposed to work.

I spent most of the weekend on the couch. If my children wanted, I cuddled on them. We told our 4 year old that the baby in mommy's tummy might be sick, and if it is, that God was going to take it to heaven to be with Him. Saturday she got all her doctor dress up toys out, came to me and said she was going to fix the baby in my tummy. I nearly lost it. She is such a sweet and compassionate child. This morning during my quiet time, she crawled up in my lap, and just sat with me. She cuddled with me while I read and wrote. Eventually she looked up at me and asked me if the baby was in my tummy. I told her only God knew.

I shared late Saturday with our community what we are going through. The amount of prayer and support is overwhelming. I made it to church yesterday, connection group and service. Most people were aware of the news that we could be losing the baby, some did not. Everyone has been amazing with prayer and love. I have had people I know reach out to me and tell me that they have miscarried and are here for me if I need them.

I am trusting God. He can work a miracle and let me not be as far along. Or he can chose to take this baby. His ways are not our ways, but I am still going to trust and obey him. I am sad, my heart breaks for my husband and daughter (our son is too young to understand), I am sad for our parents who might not get a chance to meet this little love, and I am thankful.

Thankful for the opportunity to be pregnant again. Thankful for the love of those around me. Thankful I am apart of a family of believers in Christ who are praying for me, my pregnancy, my family. There is a difference in life when you walk with the Lord. I could not imagine going through all this as a non-believer.

Blighted Ovum

My Life is Not My Own.

The morning I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was beyond excited! God had blessed my husband and I, and we were humbled.

At fourteen I was told that conceiving would be difficult, and medical help might not even do much. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis. Both which cause fertility issues. My wonderful doctor told me that if after trying for six months then we would see what options were available. It has been over a decade since I had been told that news, and advances had been made. So six months after we were married we started to try to conceive. Two months later I had a positive pregnancy test.

My sweet Abigail stole my heart from the get go. Even though her being a girl was a surprise! Shuman's don't have girls often. Let alone as first born. But we did.

Around the time she turned one, we resolved that one and done sounded good. I was almost done nursing, she was sleeping through the nights, and in this day and age who needs a large family. Also, I decided to work full time. Two weeks after Abigail did turn one, we apparently became pregnant again. About three months into the pregnancy is when I found out.

To be honest, I was not happy. Yes God has blessed us, but I viewed the pregnancy as an intrusion into our life and plans. But, by the time I gave birth to my baby boy, I was in love. See when I had him, I was 5 days into my 29th year on this earth. Nursing for a year minimum would put me 30 and days or months. My 30's were going to be mine! Fit, fabulous, and free of pregnancy/nursing! Even a few days had me uptight. But then God got ahold of me.

Children are a blessing to their parents, and a reward to their grandparents. This sweet boy, while I viewed him as  speed bump in my plans, was exactly apart of God's plan. Our life would not be what it is without him. He is my cuddler, "good" guy, gives the sweetest kisses on my eye lids and forehead, and all around is a boy!

Part of me, in my heart, is sad that I wasn't happy when we found out about expecting him. And in time I believe God will help me get over it.

I love where I am in my walk with God. God convicted me that my 30's were not going to be mine, as I am not mine. The day I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior my life belonged to Him. So my 30's are His. I am working on my book, blogging more regularly, and as of yesterday I am expecting.

That is right. I who cannot conceive, and my husband who had a certain surgery, are pregnant again! I am about 7 weeks along, and feeling great.

Brock and I want a large family, and after 2 rough pregnancies we figured 2 biological children was plenty, if we wanted more children we would adopt or foster. Well God apparently thought 2 biological children was not enough. And I feel that this child is already a great blessing. I was horribly sick both times with my children, but to date, nothing yet.

I have "accepted" this pregnancy without reservation. I am excited, and already trying to figure out what God has planned for us: how this work out, the logistics, the financials! But, I am not worried. I am curious, but not fearful at all.

So come mid-August, our family of four will be five, and my husband and I will be out numbered.

Children are a gift of God. And Abortion is MURDER.

Let me start this with saying: if you have had an abortion and regretted it, yes you allowed something horrible to be done, but God will forgive you. He is merciful, and just, and He will lovingly take you back into His fold, all you have to do is ask.

Now, if you read the news, I am pretty sure you know who Lena Dunham is. I distastefully call her a woman, she is not much of one, but God made her one so that settles it no matter how I view her. This disgusting woman, who wrote about an experience with her sister (Lena was 7, her sister was1) that sends chills up my spine (see link below) had the audacity to proclaim the following:

“Now I can say that I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had.”

She was at an abortion clinic, a Planned Parenthood if you are wondering, and a young girl "asked me if I’d like to be a part of her project in which women share their stories of abortions,” Dunham said. “I sort of jumped. ‘I haven’t had an abortion,’ I told her. I wanted to make it really clear to her that as much as I was going out and fighting for other women’s options, I myself had never had an abortion.”

She has never had one but she wishes she had.

There is so much wrong with this woman I am not sure where to begin.

She goes onto say,
“And I realized then that even I was carrying within myself stigma around this issue,” Dunham continued. “Even I, the woman who cares as much as anybody about a woman’s right to choose, felt it was important that people know I was unblemished in this department.”
…“I feel so proud of them for their bravery, for their self-knowledge, and it was a really important moment for me then to realize I had internalized some of what society was throwing at us and I had to put it in the garbage,” she said.

I read Matt Walsh. He is a Christian Conservative who speaks on faith, family, politics, and much more. Much is tongue in cheek but there is a heavy dose of truth and wake up! He shared what Ms. Dunham expressed and has written a few times in the past two days on the matter.(see below again) The last he shared was on the stigma. How, yes, there is a stigma to abortion, and for those who feel there shouldn't be, shame on you. That stigma, that guilt, that is your conscience speaking. That is the Holy Spirit telling you that abortion is wrong.

The great thing about God is that He will never go away. Therefore the Holy Spirit will not go away. And the stigma of abortion will not go away. I watched earlier this year the videos of the abortionist discussing money for different aborted baby parts.

Over salad people were discussing how much money could be made by murdering babies, cutting them up and selling the parts.

Again, there are so many things wrong with that statement...

Psalm 139:13 (ESV)

 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

God knit us in our mother's womb. That means created. And if you know a knitter, they love what they create, the cherish it. As does our Heavenly Father love us.

I am disgusted by Ms. Dunham. She needs prayer's ya'll. Her and those like her. Maybe we have lost our country and all we can do is pray. I know that Texas today moved forward to prevent Planned Parenthood from receiving Medicare money. That is a step. But these people do not give up. And they won't, they have been at this game for decades, and those of us of faith are behind, and not working hard enough to catch up.

I want to recommend a book to you. It will explain much of what is going on in our country (world), how it all started, why it is happening, and who is behind it. A lady who I admire, and her husband who has an amazing testimony, recommended this book to me. I finished it Monday. Now...it is not an easy read. It will make you mad, make you sad, and make you want to fight. Maybe if enough of us stand up we can fight back and take back our country. But if all we can do is pray, will you join me? Will you pray for the babies who have been murdered since Roe v. Wade? For the hundred of babies killed everyday? Will you pray for the misguided crusader's of choice who think that murdering a baby will make their life better....easier? And will you pray for the church to stand up, call abortion for what it is (MURDER), and to help the women who feel they have no choice?

I cannot wrap my mind around the pro-choice movement. I am not judging those who have had abortions and regretted it. But there are people out there that say their abortion was liberating, the best thing to ever happen to them...and all I can think about is how a baby was murdered.

In the past few days I have 2 stories of families who chose life. One is a family I do not know personally, but they are friends of a sweet family I know. The mother-to-be was told that her baby, the one in her womb, would not live to birth. At 20 weeks gestation, her baby, a girl, was diagnosed with anencephaly (see below). This family did not abort. They instead celebrated every week they had with that little girl. Cupcakes, crafts to remember a little girl who would not grow up. And that sweet baby hung around 15 more weeks until going to be with Jesus just a few days ago. Pray for that family please.

The second story I knew nothing about until I saw something on Facebook a few hours ago. I didn't even know that this friend from high school was pregnant (and I wasn't the only one). But apparently a test had shown something wrong with the baby. Her post today was along the lines of "don't kill your babies, tests can be wrong even when you are told they are 99% accurate, etc." Now, I don't think this friend would abort, her Facebook picture is a panda holding a sign that says "Save the human babies." And today she shared with the world that test was wrong, and her and husband will now be having a baby girl, after already having 2 healthy boys! Praise the Lord for her strength and faith in God. Reading her Facebook wall, it is full of praise, and people proclaiming an answered prayer.

That book, that I think all believers should read is called, "Marketing of Evil: How Radicals, Elitists, and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised As Freedom," by David Kupelian. Barnes & Noble and Amazon both sell it. After reading that book, I do have more of an understanding on how people have been sold that Abortion is a right and not evil. But my heart, that I have given to God, refuses to accept it.

Lena Dunham Article

Matt Walsh Article About Stigma of Abortions

Anencephaly Diagnosis

Where to find The Marketing of Evil