Charcter: Being Sober Minded

I have noticed something in passing here of late. Many friends, some acquaintances, have a new found love with wine. They show off their evening class of red wine, and their feet up. Or they host a social, and the main course is wine/beer. And this has not felt right to me. It has troubled me...

A little back story.

My parents divorced when I was my son's age (2 1/2). My daddy never drank, and not until I was a teenager, young adult do I recall him twice having a beer. My mom and dad did drink: in the evenings, socially, on the weekend. Them and their friends.  In fact, I became a mini bartender, mixing their drinks for them.

So, no surprise, I turn 21 and I started to drink. For me it was mainly socially when I went out dancing. But occasionally it was a glass of wine in the evening. After I called off my engagement/wedding, my best friend's solution was to have a weekend of partying. After that, anytime I had even just one drink I would get sick. So I basically stopped, but every now and then I would try another drink, to end up sick again.

Fast forward to July of 2008, I am living in Pasadena, TX and a friend from college is in town, having spent several months on an oil rig. Her and I meet up for some Tex-Mex and margaritas. Again I get sick. Then that Sunday my Assistant Pastor preached, in the evening service, on drinking. I felt convicted that God was telling me I was to not drink. And I have not to this day.

God prepared me to be the wife of the man I love dearly. My husband has never had a drink, he felt from a young age that he was to not touch the stuff, and so he does not. And if I had been a drinker when I met him, well we would have only met, and there would probably not be an Abigail or a Stone.

I full-heartedly believe that were I to drink alcohol it would be a sin for me. Many friends of mine do not have this conviction, but others do. And honestly, the consumption of alcohol is a hot topic issue in the Christian community.

There seems to be two schools of thought on the topic:

• Drinking is a sin, and Christian's must not do it.
• Consumption in moderation is perfectly fine.

I did a survey on faith and drinking habits, and only a handful of people responded. But the answers mimicked the two schools of thoughts.

Overall, I think it is both. I believe, for individuals like myself, it is a sin to drink. I have had that conviction almost 9 years later, and it has not waned at all. And I know many who are of the clergy who as leaders of congregations publicly have vowed to abstain as an example for their flock. I know that to be employed by my church there is a morals portion of the employment contract where you promise to not drink, publicly or privately.

If you feel convicted by the Holy Sprit to not drink, that is what you must do. To ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit would be direct disobedience to God.

Now, if you do not have that conviction, then you are free to drink.

But, the question is, should you?

In the NIV translation,

 1 Corinthians 10:32 states:

Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—

You might be able to control who you are under the influence, but what we must remember is that our actions effect not only ourselves. Every choice we makes has consequences (good and bad) for others.

What if you are the only example of Christianity someone sees? And what if they see you drink, as a professing Christian, and decide for themselves that it is fine for them to drink, even though they have a family history of alcohol dependency? If you as a Christian do fine with drinking, they might think the same for them? Or what if someone is on the cusp of being a believer, and they see your Facebook page with you partying it up every Saturday evening, and your tagged location Sunday morning is church? They might be a bit confused.

Throughout the New Testament there are verses on drinking (Ephesians 5:18, 1 Peter 5:8, 1 Timothy 3:8, and many more), and Proverbs and Isaiah have a few things to say on the matter too. But my number one argument for believers who do drink is the following:

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

 

A follow up verse is Romans 14:21 (ESV)

It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.

 

As a believer and follower of Christ we are to be set apart from the world and show the world that we are different because Christ lives in us. As a believer there should be a marked difference in how we live. And if there isn't, well friend, evaluate your life, humble yourself and evaluate if you are a child of the King of kings.

So while I think that drinking comes down to a personal choice, I believe if you profess Christ, whether it be a sin to you or not, you should not drink. Remember the Prodigal Son, upon his return he acknowledged:

Luke 15: 17 & 18

“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you."

Our actions effect not just us. If we sin, others are effected, some people for whom we will never know. But take heart, it is not just our sins that effect others, our obedience to God effects others. Think of every choice you have as a drop falling into a pool of water, there are ripples. Good or bad, the ripples move out from us. So, by choosing to abstain from alcohol, in obedience to the Holy Spirit or due to the commands in Romans 12 & 14, there will be consequences, in the positive in the lives of those around you.

There is no word to describe.

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
There is no word for a parent who loses a child.
That’s how awful the loss is.
– Jay Neugeboren – An Orphan’s Tale – 1976

In all the wonder of the world, there is no word for the loss of a child.

Saturday, January 28, 2017 I miscarried our unexpected blessing. The feeling of that process is to devastating to explain. The sensation of the loss and then the gut feeling of knowing what juts happened, a mother's instincts are sharp.

Sunday, January 22 I started bleeding. I called the doctor right away, was put on bed rest for the day, and told to schedule with  my doctor a time sometime in the week to meet. I was assured that this is not uncommon.

Wednesday, January 25 my mother-in-love accompanied me to the doctor and I had my 3rd inner ultrasound. We saw the baby, the fetal pull, but the sac was small, but my doctor seemed optimistic. I went on with life, still bleeding and my lower back hurting, but comforted that the baby was well.

Friday, January 27, my back still hurting, my stomach felt out of sorts. The bleeding was continuing, and I was a nervous wreck. Nothing was normal... I cried myself to sleep.

Early the next morning my sweet baby boy woke up way too early wanting to watch Harry Potter. I shooed him into the other room and told him I would be right there. I stood up out of bed and felt something inside me fall. Then I heard my baby girl saying she wanted to watch Harry Potter too (they are obsessed with movies 1-3 and that is all we watch anymore - thankfully a certain Ice Princess seems to have been forgotten and her song to Let it Go!). I put a brave face on, I set them up with a snack and the movie, then excused myself to my bedroom.

There are things you know, without even knowing that you know, and when you see you just understand. And if you doubt what you are seeing, there is the web to search which can confirm for you. God's blessing was on me Saturday, as my doctor was the doctor on call for the weekend. I called the weekend number, not even sure how to describe what I was going through and my wonderful doctor called me right away. We talked for almost 10 minutes, and with all I said, all my symptoms, she told me I had miscarried, but that we would confirm Monday morning. She wanted me to call as soon as her office opened, talk to her nurse, and they would make sure I was seen right away.

My husband cancelled his clients and came home to be with me. We spent the majority of Saturday at home, just being. Not much was done or accomplished, just the act of being in each others presence. We told our parents what we were going through.

Sunday we got up and we went to church. We told our classes we were having more testing done the next morning, that even more complications had arisen.

Yesterday we got up and we started our day. My parents agreed to take the kids to school so Brock and I could make to the doctor as early as possible. Our sweet and inquisitive four year old asked why Papa and Nana were taking them to school and not myself (mommy). We informed her that the doctor wanted to see the baby, make sure all was well. She accepted that answer, but I could tell her four year old mind had questions.

Traffic was ridiculous, but this is the week of Super Bowl 51 and my doctor's office is right down the road from NRG stadium, so it wasn't unexpected. We arrived early, I made the phone call to upstairs. My doctor has the best nurses. They are sweet, quick, and efficient. I absolutely love her nurses. Brock and I got on the elevator to head up, and our doctor was on the elevator with us. The compassion and sympathy on her face almost did me in. She asked how we were, and we responded numb, and we will find out soon.

There is a receptionist at my doctor's practice who I do not get along with - I think she is the rudest woman on earth, very unsympathetic and judgmental. It is on my heart to pray for her, and I do. But I did not want to deal with her yesterday, and God intervened. We were able to talk with the other receptionist and she is friendly, cheerful and helpful. We went back into the rooms area, and one of the nurses was with us. She is such a joy, and she asked questions, and you could see on her face what she was thinking. We entered the ultrasound room. I have been in that room more this month than I have ever been with my first two pregnancies combined. You learn the drill, and the nurse and I did all our motions. Then we waited. My husband even knew where he needed to be, and he was there in position when our doctor came in. Not much chit chat, we got right to it. The screen was empty - no more sac.

Our baby was gone.

Our doctor gave us some comforting words (as comforting as they could be for the situation). She informed us that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage before 12 weeks. That she is grateful for us that we have two healthy children already, that when it is the first pregnancy that ends this way, it takes longer for the parents to recover. We discussed what I need to watch for and what I need to do the next few weeks, and that was essentially that.

Brock stepped out to start the family phone calls. I headed to the nurses area to set up the lab appointments I need to take care of. My doctor encouraged me to find a group or a person to talk to about all this. I told her that Saturday I had started to look and had found a surprising amount of options considering most people do not talk about miscarriage. And I said we are blessed to have an amazing community of friends, family, and church around us, that we should be good. And she agreed, she was encouraged that for almost all my appointments this go I have always had someone with me - I have not been on this road alone.

So yesterday we let the world know that our baby, Charli by the way, is no longer with us. The day we found out we were expecting, we let our 4 and 2 year old know. Abigail, in her bright and matter of fact way of saying things, proclaimed, ""It's a girl named Charli." My mother's father was Charlie, Charles, but everyone called him Charlie. He passed away shortly after Brock and I met, and one of my joys is that my Papa and my husband met each other. I am not the type of person to wait, so I have been trying out names, as has my husband the past few weeks. and for a girl, I was loving Charli Ann or Charli Grace. And boy names were Charles Richard, Charles Samuel...nothing set in stone, but we were dreaming. And so through this, I have called the baby, I have talked to baby and have said, "Fight Charli, mommy can't do anything, but you can fight."

The outpouring of love, prayers, hugs, and condolences is overwhelming. Our family truly is blessed to be loved by so many.

Abigail and Stone do not know yet. How do you tell young children? I honestly thought Abigail would run up to me at pick up yesterday and ask about our appointment. Neither child peeped last night about the doctor visit or the baby. And so now we are waiting. The preschool knows we lost the baby (many of the staff their are friends), but that the kids do not. My prayer is that when the time comes, God will give me the words to use that will help Abigail understand. Stone is too young a this point to truly comprehend, I am not even sure he really has comprehended the pregnancy. This will be Abigail's first real experience with loss, and at such a young age I am not sure how to guide her through this.

I am not sure I know how to comprehend this event. I have lost a child. But I have nothing to "show" for it. There will be no funeral, no burial, no obituary. Just a scar on my heart, a date written in my Bible, and a pregnancy journal put away.

Someone asked Brock how this experience has been for us. The obvious is a rollercoaster: high's and low's, twists and turns. But also a band aid. You remove a band aid in one of two ways: fast and quick to be done with it, or slow in hopes of avoiding the sting. This experience has been a slow band aid. And so has our grief and mourning. After the first appointment I was mournful because everything showed a blighted ovum and that we would lose the baby. But then we had upbeat blood work and we saw the fetal pull flickering on the ultrasound. Then I started to bleed, then it looked like the baby was fine and growing, and now the actual loss.  I cried on Saturday when my husband came home. And I cried yesterday on the drive home from the doctor's office when it occurred to me that I needed to tell him the baby's name was Charli. but other than that I haven't cried. now grief is a funny thing, I know people who get angry and get over things, I know those who cry non-stop for days. Everyone mourns differently, and I don't know how I am going to grieve or when to be honestly. Right now though I am finding comfort in my faith, my family, and that one day I will see Charli. I have found some online communities that are a place for the grieving, and I have found some resources on how to cope. I am waiting for those to come in. Those who know us know the story, but I haven't shared it with strangers who can relate. Right now I am reading and seeing how others have found comfort in this situation. I am also reading. Psalms have been a great help, as has my precept studies this semester. This world is not it. There is more for those of us who believe.

I have commented to people that I am grateful that this has happened at this point in my life. I recognize that my walk is about as strong as it has ever been, and had this tragedy happened at any other point I would not be at peace as I am now.

Philippians 4:7 (ESV)
⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And I am at peace. I am sad, but I can know that my husband and I will get through this. We will move on, we will be stronger, and we both recognize that God has a plan in all this. I could not imagine going through this with out Christ as my Savior. Through the past few weeks Bible verses have come to my mind, verses that have comforted me. And that is only possible because I have spent dedicated time in the Bible reading and memorizing it, and the fact that I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit lives in me.

 

Charli Shuman

January 28, 2017

 

 

Children are a gift of God. And Abortion is MURDER.

Let me start this with saying: if you have had an abortion and regretted it, yes you allowed something horrible to be done, but God will forgive you. He is merciful, and just, and He will lovingly take you back into His fold, all you have to do is ask.

Now, if you read the news, I am pretty sure you know who Lena Dunham is. I distastefully call her a woman, she is not much of one, but God made her one so that settles it no matter how I view her. This disgusting woman, who wrote about an experience with her sister (Lena was 7, her sister was1) that sends chills up my spine (see link below) had the audacity to proclaim the following:

“Now I can say that I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had.”

She was at an abortion clinic, a Planned Parenthood if you are wondering, and a young girl "asked me if I’d like to be a part of her project in which women share their stories of abortions,” Dunham said. “I sort of jumped. ‘I haven’t had an abortion,’ I told her. I wanted to make it really clear to her that as much as I was going out and fighting for other women’s options, I myself had never had an abortion.”

She has never had one but she wishes she had.

There is so much wrong with this woman I am not sure where to begin.

She goes onto say,
“And I realized then that even I was carrying within myself stigma around this issue,” Dunham continued. “Even I, the woman who cares as much as anybody about a woman’s right to choose, felt it was important that people know I was unblemished in this department.”
…“I feel so proud of them for their bravery, for their self-knowledge, and it was a really important moment for me then to realize I had internalized some of what society was throwing at us and I had to put it in the garbage,” she said.

I read Matt Walsh. He is a Christian Conservative who speaks on faith, family, politics, and much more. Much is tongue in cheek but there is a heavy dose of truth and wake up! He shared what Ms. Dunham expressed and has written a few times in the past two days on the matter.(see below again) The last he shared was on the stigma. How, yes, there is a stigma to abortion, and for those who feel there shouldn't be, shame on you. That stigma, that guilt, that is your conscience speaking. That is the Holy Spirit telling you that abortion is wrong.

The great thing about God is that He will never go away. Therefore the Holy Spirit will not go away. And the stigma of abortion will not go away. I watched earlier this year the videos of the abortionist discussing money for different aborted baby parts.

Over salad people were discussing how much money could be made by murdering babies, cutting them up and selling the parts.

Again, there are so many things wrong with that statement...

Psalm 139:13 (ESV)

 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

God knit us in our mother's womb. That means created. And if you know a knitter, they love what they create, the cherish it. As does our Heavenly Father love us.

I am disgusted by Ms. Dunham. She needs prayer's ya'll. Her and those like her. Maybe we have lost our country and all we can do is pray. I know that Texas today moved forward to prevent Planned Parenthood from receiving Medicare money. That is a step. But these people do not give up. And they won't, they have been at this game for decades, and those of us of faith are behind, and not working hard enough to catch up.

I want to recommend a book to you. It will explain much of what is going on in our country (world), how it all started, why it is happening, and who is behind it. A lady who I admire, and her husband who has an amazing testimony, recommended this book to me. I finished it Monday. Now...it is not an easy read. It will make you mad, make you sad, and make you want to fight. Maybe if enough of us stand up we can fight back and take back our country. But if all we can do is pray, will you join me? Will you pray for the babies who have been murdered since Roe v. Wade? For the hundred of babies killed everyday? Will you pray for the misguided crusader's of choice who think that murdering a baby will make their life better....easier? And will you pray for the church to stand up, call abortion for what it is (MURDER), and to help the women who feel they have no choice?

I cannot wrap my mind around the pro-choice movement. I am not judging those who have had abortions and regretted it. But there are people out there that say their abortion was liberating, the best thing to ever happen to them...and all I can think about is how a baby was murdered.

In the past few days I have 2 stories of families who chose life. One is a family I do not know personally, but they are friends of a sweet family I know. The mother-to-be was told that her baby, the one in her womb, would not live to birth. At 20 weeks gestation, her baby, a girl, was diagnosed with anencephaly (see below). This family did not abort. They instead celebrated every week they had with that little girl. Cupcakes, crafts to remember a little girl who would not grow up. And that sweet baby hung around 15 more weeks until going to be with Jesus just a few days ago. Pray for that family please.

The second story I knew nothing about until I saw something on Facebook a few hours ago. I didn't even know that this friend from high school was pregnant (and I wasn't the only one). But apparently a test had shown something wrong with the baby. Her post today was along the lines of "don't kill your babies, tests can be wrong even when you are told they are 99% accurate, etc." Now, I don't think this friend would abort, her Facebook picture is a panda holding a sign that says "Save the human babies." And today she shared with the world that test was wrong, and her and husband will now be having a baby girl, after already having 2 healthy boys! Praise the Lord for her strength and faith in God. Reading her Facebook wall, it is full of praise, and people proclaiming an answered prayer.

That book, that I think all believers should read is called, "Marketing of Evil: How Radicals, Elitists, and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised As Freedom," by David Kupelian. Barnes & Noble and Amazon both sell it. After reading that book, I do have more of an understanding on how people have been sold that Abortion is a right and not evil. But my heart, that I have given to God, refuses to accept it.

Lena Dunham Article

Matt Walsh Article About Stigma of Abortions

Anencephaly Diagnosis

Where to find The Marketing of Evil