There is no word to describe.

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
There is no word for a parent who loses a child.
That’s how awful the loss is.
– Jay Neugeboren – An Orphan’s Tale – 1976

In all the wonder of the world, there is no word for the loss of a child.

Saturday, January 28, 2017 I miscarried our unexpected blessing. The feeling of that process is to devastating to explain. The sensation of the loss and then the gut feeling of knowing what juts happened, a mother's instincts are sharp.

Sunday, January 22 I started bleeding. I called the doctor right away, was put on bed rest for the day, and told to schedule with  my doctor a time sometime in the week to meet. I was assured that this is not uncommon.

Wednesday, January 25 my mother-in-love accompanied me to the doctor and I had my 3rd inner ultrasound. We saw the baby, the fetal pull, but the sac was small, but my doctor seemed optimistic. I went on with life, still bleeding and my lower back hurting, but comforted that the baby was well.

Friday, January 27, my back still hurting, my stomach felt out of sorts. The bleeding was continuing, and I was a nervous wreck. Nothing was normal... I cried myself to sleep.

Early the next morning my sweet baby boy woke up way too early wanting to watch Harry Potter. I shooed him into the other room and told him I would be right there. I stood up out of bed and felt something inside me fall. Then I heard my baby girl saying she wanted to watch Harry Potter too (they are obsessed with movies 1-3 and that is all we watch anymore - thankfully a certain Ice Princess seems to have been forgotten and her song to Let it Go!). I put a brave face on, I set them up with a snack and the movie, then excused myself to my bedroom.

There are things you know, without even knowing that you know, and when you see you just understand. And if you doubt what you are seeing, there is the web to search which can confirm for you. God's blessing was on me Saturday, as my doctor was the doctor on call for the weekend. I called the weekend number, not even sure how to describe what I was going through and my wonderful doctor called me right away. We talked for almost 10 minutes, and with all I said, all my symptoms, she told me I had miscarried, but that we would confirm Monday morning. She wanted me to call as soon as her office opened, talk to her nurse, and they would make sure I was seen right away.

My husband cancelled his clients and came home to be with me. We spent the majority of Saturday at home, just being. Not much was done or accomplished, just the act of being in each others presence. We told our parents what we were going through.

Sunday we got up and we went to church. We told our classes we were having more testing done the next morning, that even more complications had arisen.

Yesterday we got up and we started our day. My parents agreed to take the kids to school so Brock and I could make to the doctor as early as possible. Our sweet and inquisitive four year old asked why Papa and Nana were taking them to school and not myself (mommy). We informed her that the doctor wanted to see the baby, make sure all was well. She accepted that answer, but I could tell her four year old mind had questions.

Traffic was ridiculous, but this is the week of Super Bowl 51 and my doctor's office is right down the road from NRG stadium, so it wasn't unexpected. We arrived early, I made the phone call to upstairs. My doctor has the best nurses. They are sweet, quick, and efficient. I absolutely love her nurses. Brock and I got on the elevator to head up, and our doctor was on the elevator with us. The compassion and sympathy on her face almost did me in. She asked how we were, and we responded numb, and we will find out soon.

There is a receptionist at my doctor's practice who I do not get along with - I think she is the rudest woman on earth, very unsympathetic and judgmental. It is on my heart to pray for her, and I do. But I did not want to deal with her yesterday, and God intervened. We were able to talk with the other receptionist and she is friendly, cheerful and helpful. We went back into the rooms area, and one of the nurses was with us. She is such a joy, and she asked questions, and you could see on her face what she was thinking. We entered the ultrasound room. I have been in that room more this month than I have ever been with my first two pregnancies combined. You learn the drill, and the nurse and I did all our motions. Then we waited. My husband even knew where he needed to be, and he was there in position when our doctor came in. Not much chit chat, we got right to it. The screen was empty - no more sac.

Our baby was gone.

Our doctor gave us some comforting words (as comforting as they could be for the situation). She informed us that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage before 12 weeks. That she is grateful for us that we have two healthy children already, that when it is the first pregnancy that ends this way, it takes longer for the parents to recover. We discussed what I need to watch for and what I need to do the next few weeks, and that was essentially that.

Brock stepped out to start the family phone calls. I headed to the nurses area to set up the lab appointments I need to take care of. My doctor encouraged me to find a group or a person to talk to about all this. I told her that Saturday I had started to look and had found a surprising amount of options considering most people do not talk about miscarriage. And I said we are blessed to have an amazing community of friends, family, and church around us, that we should be good. And she agreed, she was encouraged that for almost all my appointments this go I have always had someone with me - I have not been on this road alone.

So yesterday we let the world know that our baby, Charli by the way, is no longer with us. The day we found out we were expecting, we let our 4 and 2 year old know. Abigail, in her bright and matter of fact way of saying things, proclaimed, ""It's a girl named Charli." My mother's father was Charlie, Charles, but everyone called him Charlie. He passed away shortly after Brock and I met, and one of my joys is that my Papa and my husband met each other. I am not the type of person to wait, so I have been trying out names, as has my husband the past few weeks. and for a girl, I was loving Charli Ann or Charli Grace. And boy names were Charles Richard, Charles Samuel...nothing set in stone, but we were dreaming. And so through this, I have called the baby, I have talked to baby and have said, "Fight Charli, mommy can't do anything, but you can fight."

The outpouring of love, prayers, hugs, and condolences is overwhelming. Our family truly is blessed to be loved by so many.

Abigail and Stone do not know yet. How do you tell young children? I honestly thought Abigail would run up to me at pick up yesterday and ask about our appointment. Neither child peeped last night about the doctor visit or the baby. And so now we are waiting. The preschool knows we lost the baby (many of the staff their are friends), but that the kids do not. My prayer is that when the time comes, God will give me the words to use that will help Abigail understand. Stone is too young a this point to truly comprehend, I am not even sure he really has comprehended the pregnancy. This will be Abigail's first real experience with loss, and at such a young age I am not sure how to guide her through this.

I am not sure I know how to comprehend this event. I have lost a child. But I have nothing to "show" for it. There will be no funeral, no burial, no obituary. Just a scar on my heart, a date written in my Bible, and a pregnancy journal put away.

Someone asked Brock how this experience has been for us. The obvious is a rollercoaster: high's and low's, twists and turns. But also a band aid. You remove a band aid in one of two ways: fast and quick to be done with it, or slow in hopes of avoiding the sting. This experience has been a slow band aid. And so has our grief and mourning. After the first appointment I was mournful because everything showed a blighted ovum and that we would lose the baby. But then we had upbeat blood work and we saw the fetal pull flickering on the ultrasound. Then I started to bleed, then it looked like the baby was fine and growing, and now the actual loss.  I cried on Saturday when my husband came home. And I cried yesterday on the drive home from the doctor's office when it occurred to me that I needed to tell him the baby's name was Charli. but other than that I haven't cried. now grief is a funny thing, I know people who get angry and get over things, I know those who cry non-stop for days. Everyone mourns differently, and I don't know how I am going to grieve or when to be honestly. Right now though I am finding comfort in my faith, my family, and that one day I will see Charli. I have found some online communities that are a place for the grieving, and I have found some resources on how to cope. I am waiting for those to come in. Those who know us know the story, but I haven't shared it with strangers who can relate. Right now I am reading and seeing how others have found comfort in this situation. I am also reading. Psalms have been a great help, as has my precept studies this semester. This world is not it. There is more for those of us who believe.

I have commented to people that I am grateful that this has happened at this point in my life. I recognize that my walk is about as strong as it has ever been, and had this tragedy happened at any other point I would not be at peace as I am now.

Philippians 4:7 (ESV)
⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And I am at peace. I am sad, but I can know that my husband and I will get through this. We will move on, we will be stronger, and we both recognize that God has a plan in all this. I could not imagine going through this with out Christ as my Savior. Through the past few weeks Bible verses have come to my mind, verses that have comforted me. And that is only possible because I have spent dedicated time in the Bible reading and memorizing it, and the fact that I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit lives in me.

 

Charli Shuman

January 28, 2017

 

 

Thy Will Be Done....

A sweet new friend (I have known her less than a year) has impacted my spiritual life in a way like not many individuals have. Before her and her family moved away for two years, she introduced me to the song, Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott.

Take time, google it, and listen. And if you do not cry, listen again.

My second ultrasound showed life. I got to look at my husband and tell him we have a baby. An explanation cannot be found for the discrepancy in the due date, so instead of being 11w4d today I am only 7w4d. We have rejoiced together with family that the baby was viewable, just a tiny little seed. But the pull of the heart was there, flickering away.

We left the appointment with the plan for me to return in 4 weeks, and now having 1 month longer to
figure out a plan for our new normal.

Yesterday morning I started bleeding.

I am not mad at God. I do not know what to believe. Again, every question looks like those who are in the medical field believe a miscarriage could happen. I stayed home on bed rest yesterday. And almost 36 hours later I am still bleeding. The nurse today said it should resolve by tomorrow - if not call back.

I have been told so many times in the past 3 weeks that "such and such" is "common".

I am tired of hearing that. Because, no, to me, it is not common. I have two healthy children who are sleeping in their beds. I never thought I was going to lose them, I never mourned over dreams shattered when my doctor prepared me to be the statistic of 1 in 4 women who miscarries, and I never bled with them. I threw up, I was nauseous, but I never thought that the dreams I started to build in my mind would never come true.

I am trying to take it easy. After talking with two different doctors and two different nurses, I am not in charge of this. Either this child in my womb will fight (and Lord I am praying for that!) and survive, or the fight will be too much and God will gain another baby.

The nurse this afternoon said my cervix is sensitive, to rest, and call asap if anything changes other than stopping of the blood.

So again, my husband and I are on a rollercoaster. Elated to devastated, to excited, now questioning.

I have talked with family, and friends, and I am trying to make sense of this. I am not mad at God - I am at a point in my walk where I understand that God's ways are not our ways, and we will not understand all that God does or allows. Someone said that maybe we are going through this to be a witness as how Christian's respond to trials.

My heart softens at that. That my pain could bring someone to God, that this is happening so one less person is saved from an eternity separate from God. I want this child, but if this is God's plan, who am I to stand in His way. As I have said recently, my life is not my own. I am here to serve Him.

Please pray for us, that we will endure whatever is to come, that we will have grace and faith that surpasses understanding.

No matter, we will praise Him

My first appointment after my pregnancy test did not go as expected.

We were not able to see the baby. I will be 10 weeks along tomorrow and my doctor does not question the due date. She told me the words blighted ovum. Essentially I am pregnant but more than likely the baby is not developing properly and I will more than likely lose the pregnancy.

I had more labs today, then Thursday morning I will know for sure what is going on.

This weekend was hard. I barely made it home from my appointment, I was crying the entire time. Crying, that is too nice a word, I was sobbing. My doctor has never thrown statistics at me, or percentages. She did on Friday, she reassured me that I had done nothing wrong, this is how the body is supposed to work.

I spent most of the weekend on the couch. If my children wanted, I cuddled on them. We told our 4 year old that the baby in mommy's tummy might be sick, and if it is, that God was going to take it to heaven to be with Him. Saturday she got all her doctor dress up toys out, came to me and said she was going to fix the baby in my tummy. I nearly lost it. She is such a sweet and compassionate child. This morning during my quiet time, she crawled up in my lap, and just sat with me. She cuddled with me while I read and wrote. Eventually she looked up at me and asked me if the baby was in my tummy. I told her only God knew.

I shared late Saturday with our community what we are going through. The amount of prayer and support is overwhelming. I made it to church yesterday, connection group and service. Most people were aware of the news that we could be losing the baby, some did not. Everyone has been amazing with prayer and love. I have had people I know reach out to me and tell me that they have miscarried and are here for me if I need them.

I am trusting God. He can work a miracle and let me not be as far along. Or he can chose to take this baby. His ways are not our ways, but I am still going to trust and obey him. I am sad, my heart breaks for my husband and daughter (our son is too young to understand), I am sad for our parents who might not get a chance to meet this little love, and I am thankful.

Thankful for the opportunity to be pregnant again. Thankful for the love of those around me. Thankful I am apart of a family of believers in Christ who are praying for me, my pregnancy, my family. There is a difference in life when you walk with the Lord. I could not imagine going through all this as a non-believer.

Blighted Ovum

My Life is Not My Own.

The morning I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was beyond excited! God had blessed my husband and I, and we were humbled.

At fourteen I was told that conceiving would be difficult, and medical help might not even do much. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis. Both which cause fertility issues. My wonderful doctor told me that if after trying for six months then we would see what options were available. It has been over a decade since I had been told that news, and advances had been made. So six months after we were married we started to try to conceive. Two months later I had a positive pregnancy test.

My sweet Abigail stole my heart from the get go. Even though her being a girl was a surprise! Shuman's don't have girls often. Let alone as first born. But we did.

Around the time she turned one, we resolved that one and done sounded good. I was almost done nursing, she was sleeping through the nights, and in this day and age who needs a large family. Also, I decided to work full time. Two weeks after Abigail did turn one, we apparently became pregnant again. About three months into the pregnancy is when I found out.

To be honest, I was not happy. Yes God has blessed us, but I viewed the pregnancy as an intrusion into our life and plans. But, by the time I gave birth to my baby boy, I was in love. See when I had him, I was 5 days into my 29th year on this earth. Nursing for a year minimum would put me 30 and days or months. My 30's were going to be mine! Fit, fabulous, and free of pregnancy/nursing! Even a few days had me uptight. But then God got ahold of me.

Children are a blessing to their parents, and a reward to their grandparents. This sweet boy, while I viewed him as  speed bump in my plans, was exactly apart of God's plan. Our life would not be what it is without him. He is my cuddler, "good" guy, gives the sweetest kisses on my eye lids and forehead, and all around is a boy!

Part of me, in my heart, is sad that I wasn't happy when we found out about expecting him. And in time I believe God will help me get over it.

I love where I am in my walk with God. God convicted me that my 30's were not going to be mine, as I am not mine. The day I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior my life belonged to Him. So my 30's are His. I am working on my book, blogging more regularly, and as of yesterday I am expecting.

That is right. I who cannot conceive, and my husband who had a certain surgery, are pregnant again! I am about 7 weeks along, and feeling great.

Brock and I want a large family, and after 2 rough pregnancies we figured 2 biological children was plenty, if we wanted more children we would adopt or foster. Well God apparently thought 2 biological children was not enough. And I feel that this child is already a great blessing. I was horribly sick both times with my children, but to date, nothing yet.

I have "accepted" this pregnancy without reservation. I am excited, and already trying to figure out what God has planned for us: how this work out, the logistics, the financials! But, I am not worried. I am curious, but not fearful at all.

So come mid-August, our family of four will be five, and my husband and I will be out numbered.

Children are a gift of God. And Abortion is MURDER.

Let me start this with saying: if you have had an abortion and regretted it, yes you allowed something horrible to be done, but God will forgive you. He is merciful, and just, and He will lovingly take you back into His fold, all you have to do is ask.

Now, if you read the news, I am pretty sure you know who Lena Dunham is. I distastefully call her a woman, she is not much of one, but God made her one so that settles it no matter how I view her. This disgusting woman, who wrote about an experience with her sister (Lena was 7, her sister was1) that sends chills up my spine (see link below) had the audacity to proclaim the following:

“Now I can say that I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had.”

She was at an abortion clinic, a Planned Parenthood if you are wondering, and a young girl "asked me if I’d like to be a part of her project in which women share their stories of abortions,” Dunham said. “I sort of jumped. ‘I haven’t had an abortion,’ I told her. I wanted to make it really clear to her that as much as I was going out and fighting for other women’s options, I myself had never had an abortion.”

She has never had one but she wishes she had.

There is so much wrong with this woman I am not sure where to begin.

She goes onto say,
“And I realized then that even I was carrying within myself stigma around this issue,” Dunham continued. “Even I, the woman who cares as much as anybody about a woman’s right to choose, felt it was important that people know I was unblemished in this department.”
…“I feel so proud of them for their bravery, for their self-knowledge, and it was a really important moment for me then to realize I had internalized some of what society was throwing at us and I had to put it in the garbage,” she said.

I read Matt Walsh. He is a Christian Conservative who speaks on faith, family, politics, and much more. Much is tongue in cheek but there is a heavy dose of truth and wake up! He shared what Ms. Dunham expressed and has written a few times in the past two days on the matter.(see below again) The last he shared was on the stigma. How, yes, there is a stigma to abortion, and for those who feel there shouldn't be, shame on you. That stigma, that guilt, that is your conscience speaking. That is the Holy Spirit telling you that abortion is wrong.

The great thing about God is that He will never go away. Therefore the Holy Spirit will not go away. And the stigma of abortion will not go away. I watched earlier this year the videos of the abortionist discussing money for different aborted baby parts.

Over salad people were discussing how much money could be made by murdering babies, cutting them up and selling the parts.

Again, there are so many things wrong with that statement...

Psalm 139:13 (ESV)

 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

God knit us in our mother's womb. That means created. And if you know a knitter, they love what they create, the cherish it. As does our Heavenly Father love us.

I am disgusted by Ms. Dunham. She needs prayer's ya'll. Her and those like her. Maybe we have lost our country and all we can do is pray. I know that Texas today moved forward to prevent Planned Parenthood from receiving Medicare money. That is a step. But these people do not give up. And they won't, they have been at this game for decades, and those of us of faith are behind, and not working hard enough to catch up.

I want to recommend a book to you. It will explain much of what is going on in our country (world), how it all started, why it is happening, and who is behind it. A lady who I admire, and her husband who has an amazing testimony, recommended this book to me. I finished it Monday. Now...it is not an easy read. It will make you mad, make you sad, and make you want to fight. Maybe if enough of us stand up we can fight back and take back our country. But if all we can do is pray, will you join me? Will you pray for the babies who have been murdered since Roe v. Wade? For the hundred of babies killed everyday? Will you pray for the misguided crusader's of choice who think that murdering a baby will make their life better....easier? And will you pray for the church to stand up, call abortion for what it is (MURDER), and to help the women who feel they have no choice?

I cannot wrap my mind around the pro-choice movement. I am not judging those who have had abortions and regretted it. But there are people out there that say their abortion was liberating, the best thing to ever happen to them...and all I can think about is how a baby was murdered.

In the past few days I have 2 stories of families who chose life. One is a family I do not know personally, but they are friends of a sweet family I know. The mother-to-be was told that her baby, the one in her womb, would not live to birth. At 20 weeks gestation, her baby, a girl, was diagnosed with anencephaly (see below). This family did not abort. They instead celebrated every week they had with that little girl. Cupcakes, crafts to remember a little girl who would not grow up. And that sweet baby hung around 15 more weeks until going to be with Jesus just a few days ago. Pray for that family please.

The second story I knew nothing about until I saw something on Facebook a few hours ago. I didn't even know that this friend from high school was pregnant (and I wasn't the only one). But apparently a test had shown something wrong with the baby. Her post today was along the lines of "don't kill your babies, tests can be wrong even when you are told they are 99% accurate, etc." Now, I don't think this friend would abort, her Facebook picture is a panda holding a sign that says "Save the human babies." And today she shared with the world that test was wrong, and her and husband will now be having a baby girl, after already having 2 healthy boys! Praise the Lord for her strength and faith in God. Reading her Facebook wall, it is full of praise, and people proclaiming an answered prayer.

That book, that I think all believers should read is called, "Marketing of Evil: How Radicals, Elitists, and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised As Freedom," by David Kupelian. Barnes & Noble and Amazon both sell it. After reading that book, I do have more of an understanding on how people have been sold that Abortion is a right and not evil. But my heart, that I have given to God, refuses to accept it.

Lena Dunham Article

Matt Walsh Article About Stigma of Abortions

Anencephaly Diagnosis

Where to find The Marketing of Evil

Time With Famiy

Did you hear?

I have the best job ever!

I am enjoying, since high school (12 1/2 years ago), two weeks off for Christmas! My new job has some great perks, let me tell you. A week off for Thanksgiving, 2 for Christmas/New Year, 1 week for Spring Break, and a handful of holidays. I work with a great group of individuals who all love the Lord, pray for each other, and enjoy simple fellowship. I feel so blessed.

This week so far I have: read 2 books and am on #3, hit up the gym early in the day, visited with my mom and little brother, and today as a family we all went to the zoo.

Oh the zoo! My kids had a blast. The weather was perfect, not exactly wintery, but hey, I am not complaining. I love cold weather, but the temperatures today insured we spent several hours outside enjoying life!

My wonderful husband with our kiddos 

My little man and I. He is my cuddler and sweet boy.

Proof that they can be sweet to each other.

 We had such a great time petting the goats, avoiding the chickens and seeing the animals moving around. Due to the great weather not many were inside the enclosures. They were lounging in the sun, pacing back and forth. And since many people were working there was hardly anyone there. In past trips we have continually bumped into people - not this trip.

After a few hours we came home. My husband had a few clients lined up for the evening so he wanted to rest. I packed the kids up and went to Chick-fil-A. They got ice cream (we are in Texas) and I got coffee. And let me tell you, the customer service was fantastic! At 3:00 they still had coffee and I wasn't expecting fresh brewed. Well the server gave me my cup and I thought that was that. A few minutes later a manager came over and said she was brewing a fresh batch and would bring me some out shortly. I told her she didn't have to, but thank you. And sure enough, no longer after she swapped my cup out. That was some good coffee! Once the munchkins gobbled up their cones I let them play in the play area. They giggled, made new friends, and went up and down too many times to count. And once we got home I unleashed them and the dog into the back yard. Swings, imagination, tossing the stick for our dog Lady, and lady bugs! My goodness, close to 10 lady bugs around our play-scape. They were lovely and the kids kept trying to grab them. Of all the bugs in the world, those are my favorite and I was tickled pink to see so many!

After a day of much activity neither child argued about dinner - left overs.

Do you know that leftovers are a blessing? Think about it. Leftovers imply so much:

• You have food and the means to prepare it.
• You have enough food to go around and then some.
• You have the means to save (refrigerate) your food.

This year has been tight for us financially, actually the past few years. But through it all I have seen God's hand. He has always allowed us to eat: through food we have prepared, donated meals, gift cards given as gifts, parents/family inviting us over for meals. God takes care of his people. And those of us in America, we have it good. And I feel we take it for granted. I know for one that we throw away many of our leftovers because we get tired of eating the same thing and the fridge needs cleaning. I saw a video yesterday about a lady in Los Angeles who went a month trash free. She only had a handful of scraps at the end, but it was impressive. It takes an effort and work to not waste. It has given me a few things to ponder.

But tonight my kids who are not really picky didn't even blink at their plate of hodgepodge leftovers. And both pretty much cleaned their plates. Normally I get a negotiation about amounts or how many bites, but after a day full of activity dinner was quiet. Little man tuckered out right after 7. I checked on him a bit ago and sweet boy was about to fall out of his bed. Him not being a crib was a smoother transition then I expected.

Abigail and I had a wonderful evening of drawing and games - her homework. Yes, I have my 4 year old "do" homework. But honestly it is just fun. We color, we read, we play games, we create. Sheis learning and we are bonding.

Round 2 - she won the first round.

The memory game was a birthday gift that we finally opened. Abigail really impressed me and I am sure we will repeat this over the next two weeks. Still can't believe my 4 year old beat me.

This time with family has been refreshing. And we have so much more to do. Christmas itself, New Year's day, both of which have church services. There will be time with family, Brock and I will divide and conquer and have fun individually with each kid, and hopefully we will manage a date night sometime soon.

I am thankful for this new chapter in my life. God has given me an opportunity that I never imagined having.

Merry Christmas!

No Santa...and other parenting differences.

"Abigail, are you ready for Santa to bring you presents?" Mrs. G. asked my 4 year old. Who in turn replied, "Mommy and daddy work hard, we don't get gifts from Santa."

The look on my friends face was one of horror.

We. Don't. Do. Santa.

My husband and I made the decision to not do: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, or the Elf on the Shelf, before we ever conceived.

Now hear me out Christmas is my favorite holiday. My tree is up, I want a 2nd one even, I have wreaths up, Christmas oven mitts out, we bake Christmas cookies, and watch Christmas themed cartoons. I love the idea of Santa, even have a few ornaments on my tree of the jolly old guy. But, my husband and I do work hard, and if we give something to our children, we want them to know that it is because we worked for it.

Years ago I heard the story of Tim Tebow and his mom. She too did not do Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. Her reason (and ours too): What happens when your child finds out the truth? Something inside them knows that you can lie to them, and to a 6 or 9 year old, being told Santa isn't real is earth shattering. That child will call into question what else have you lied about. And like Tim Tebow's mom, we don't want our kids to think that Jesus is a lie.

The look on my friends face is one I have seen before. I have had people look in me in the face and tell me I am mean, a Grinch, and that I have sucked all the joy out of the holiday's - just because my family has chosen to not do Santa.

Do I think my husband and I have taken all the joy out of the season? No. My children are excited, they have there 3 gifts from their parents under the tree. A box arrived from their great grandmother, and they cannot wait to open it. And just yesterday, our neighbor brought over a gift for each of the kids. The stash under the tree is growing. My kids are excited. And my four old will tell you, besides that we don't get presents from Santa, but that the reason we celebrate is Jesus.

This isn't just about the holidays, this is about different parenting styles. I have friends with grown children, grandchildren even, teenagers, elementary age, preschool age and even newborns. And not a single one of parents the same way. Some are fine with their 4 year old having a pacifier, others are mortified that their 1 year old still has one. Some are fine with their daughters having messages on their rear ends, not going to happen in my household. I have friends who have devoted their life to their children doing sports, all the sports you can imagine. They spend months with one team/one sport, then move onto the next. My daughter is 4 and will try t-ball in the Spring - after that, who knows. I have friends who on Sunday sleep in, eat a hot breakfast at home, and spend the day watching movies. My family is different. We wake, we dress then go to church for half the day essentially.

No matter the differences, there is one thing in common.

We are all doing the best we can, and believe we are doing what is best for our family, for our children. I might not understand why some of my friends do what they do, and I bet I confuse them at times with what we do. But at the heart of the matter, we do what we do because we love the little humans we have been blessed with.

So, when someone tells you "We don't do__________." Don't be mortified or feel you need to justify why you do "do ___________." Nod your head and say okay. And remember, life didn't come with a handbook (other than the Bible) and so for the most part, we are all winging life.

God bless!