Lifestyle & Marriage: The Art & Act of Submission

Submission.

I am pretty sure the hairs on the back of your neck went up  - even just a bit. The word has a negative connotation to it, but as a Christian, more so a Christian woman, the word should bring peace.

I had the pleasure this weekend to lead my Connection Group (read Sunday School Class) while our leader and several members were away on a retreat. Our leader worked it out to where at the same time (ish) we would watch the same video and have a discussion at the same time. The video is part of a series by Priscilla Shirer (her site), and the lesson we watched (even with being miles apart) was on control. Priscilla shares how she signed her and husband up for dance lessons to commemorate an anniversary. The instructor focused mainly on her husband, and how he needed to lead, and what he needed to do and know to lead. For Priscilla, she was told to follow.

In true woman fashion (we are all guilty!), she did not follow. In fact, she took control and told him when/how/where to guide her. And in the end she was exhausted. And the instructor told her, that without a doubt she was exhausted because she took on a role she was not meant to take.

Sister, are you exhausted? Are you tired? Are you taking on responsibilities that your husband wants to do, but can't because you "know better how to do it"? If someone asked your husband who wears the pants in the family and his response is, "Let me ask my wife"- then sister, you have taken on a role you were not meant to take.

Leading my classmates was an amazing experience for me. I feel we got to know each other better, and with the variety of backgrounds, and chapters in life, we saw how submission and control plays out in different lives and different stages of life. But even with our differences we all recognized that we do have a hard time letting our husbands (or God) take control. We discussed why...there are past hurts (some that went deep), some pride, even our work or education experience makes us feel we are the better authority on certain subjects topics. We had a truly great conversation.

The key Bible passage was this:

1 Corinthians 11 (ESV)

1 Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Sisters, God has told us that we are to submit. We further discussed this word in class on Sunday. Our modern culture tells us that to submit is to lose our identity, to give up who we are, to be put under a man's thumb. Well this is right and wrong all at the same time. Sisters, when we became Christians, when we gave our lives over to Christ, we submitted ourselves and our wills to HIS way and will. But for some reason, the spiritual submission is easier than the literal one in life to our husband. Now for those of you who are not married I say this - You still are to respect and submit yourself to a higher authority: your boss, teacher, or parents. For married sisters - your authority is your husband, and if you work you do need to respect your boss's authority, but not go against your husband's will.

One thing discussed was honoring our husband's authority but not honoring his sin. If your husband asks you to take part of something that God defines as sin, do not do it. Honor God above all, He is our first love, and head over all. Pray for your husband that he will submit his life back under the authority of Christ, who has submitted himself under the full authority of God.

God really put this principle (submission) on my heart this past week. I found an article that spoke to me about this very topic:

To the Friend Who Rolled Her Eyes When I Asked My Husband’s Permission.

Please read it, but here are the points the author makes:

1. Asking permission is a sign of RESPECT.
2. Asking permission ensures LESS CONFLICT.
3. Husband and Wife feel EMPOWERED.
4. It enables better decision making as a couple.
5. It keeps you engaged in each other's lives.

And this all ties into authority. You see, I ask my husband for his permission (and he mine) when we want to do something that is not our routine. With two little children, our life is scheduled - there is less chaos, we know what to expect, and emotions don't get in the way. I show my husband respect when I ask to do something out of the routine. And if he says no, I accept it. I try to do so joyfully, that doesn't always happen, but that is on me, not him. You see, I know the consequences (negative) of insisting on getting my way. I insisted on us buying the house we live in - he was not in love with it. And for a while it was a splinter in our marriage that would not budge. We eventually worked it out, and yes we still live in the house, but we make every decision about it together now. And we both have the philosophy for major decisions that impact our lives, that if we are both not 100% agreement we don't move forward. Now you may ask, what negative consequences have we faced? Numerous repairs that should have been caught by the inspector, hard to work with HOA, other bills popped up that left us strapped. In hindsight I believe God had a better house for us, with more updates, needing less work, and a better mortgage payment. But because I insisted on getting this house, we missed out and got what we got. I could say in my defense I was pregnant and ready to be done with the home buying process, but our God is a good Father, and remember this:

Matthew 7:11 (ESV)
11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

So what does submission look like in the life of a Christian woman?

• It is a wife thanking her husband for cleaning the house, doing the laundry, making dinner - instead of telling him he used the wrong products, folded the towels wrong, or didn't follow the meal plan.
• It is acknowledging he is parenting the children, not babysitting them.
• With this, letting him parent his way, even if your way is "better".
• It is not making disparaging comments about your husband. REMEMBER - you chose to marry him, you weren't forced to the altar (at least not in America). He was YOUR choice.
• It is seeking ways to satisfy his needs - physical, mental, spiritual, and even sexual.
• physical - let him be a man, wild at heart
• mental - encourage him to think, brainstorm, create
• spiritual - pray for him, encourage him to build his relationship with Christ
• sexual - honey, have sex
• 1 Corinthians 7:5 (ESV)5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
• And remember, that ultimately there has to be a head of the household, and God has ordained the husband to be the head - and his final decision must be final. Not that you as woman cannot have an opinion, but it his responsibility to lead the family, and you must submit to that as the Bible states.

To any men reading this post I have this note. The Bible has its verses on the woman submitting to the man, and most have the word "likewise" after indicating that the man is to do the same, and some cases even more than what the woman is called to do. A man's responsibility is greater than the woman's.